October 27
Good Morning or good night what ever the case may be, it looks like 3:20 am is my new best friend. I had a great day today. I took 1/2 a steroid...much better didn't eat the refrigerator, and I'm not typing ninety miles an hour...lol, but I am still up after a 5 hour nap/ sleep, and I need more sleep but when you have been told you may only have a few weeks how do you sleep and waste that time left?????.
I had many visitors today,,, thank you Nancy Delcellier, for coming all the way from Ottawa your hugs and kisses were healing to my soul and spirit, Marsha Lynn Peterson-Reilly and Barry, my sons, Josh Morgan, Rutger Chase Männik for coming so far. Jaime Rikki Wilson, Gordon Wilson, and my Alisha Morgan , Graham Potter &Norah Harrison Nelson, thank you for the beautiful prayer and my Thomasine Dingee Vandertogt-Hoyle as she seen the crazed photo search.
Had a wonderful time with the kids going through all the photo albums and picking out pictures we one day might need to share and have organized. I cried, and I laughed oh, the memories and all the ones I had forgotten. God has been so good to me, I am ashamed at the amount of blessings he has poured out on me and my family.. Thanks for the amazing meal Rutger cooked the family.
This last week has been so crazy and shocking and scary, but boy does the reality check come crashing in, what's important whats not...the stress I have carried over the stupidest things and the energy I have wasted..Oh Lord forgive me... I confess that this summer was very very hard for me, I haven't been feeling really well since July and pretty much in bed and not in the store much, I have felt so alone and depressed wondering where all my friends were and believing I had none. I kept going to the doctors and they kept telling me I was depressed and if I wasn't over weight I would feel better and I started to believe them even though I had lost 110 pounds had been walking 8 kms a day and working out with a personal trainer 3`xs a week...I started gaining weight back in May when I started feeling so tired and drained, I couldn't function, I think I used the last of my energy and steam in May when I opened the new store and it took off...I went back so many times to the Dr's it wasn't funny, I even stated seeing a physiologist at their recommending because they kept telling me I was so depressed and wanted me to go on anti depressants. The only real good thing about seeing her was she finally convinced my Dr to do a CT scan in the middle of October which was October 15th to find out our news Thursday and here we are....I am dealing with so much anger over the way the dr. has treated me. How many times I told him something was wrong even after they said I had pneumonia and I finished all the pills and still didn't feel good. I would still be waiting for that scan if she hadn't intervened and now know I most likely wouldn't have been around to have it in my dr.s time line....I'm trying not to waste my energy on all the anger towards him and how he made me doubt me and make me think their was something wrong with me, that I was just depressed. When he told me Thursday that I was sick with something the scan showed i was almost relieved, strangely comforted as I had the right too feel as sick as I did and it wasn't me and I wasn't depressed I was actually sick not just sick but could die at any moment with my heart issues because of the cancer...What a FREAKING asshole DR. GLEN GRIFFEN of Trenton is and shame on him for what he has done to me.. I started going to him with how I have been feeling since last year, last year and here I am terminal stage 4 rare lung cancer... he has robbed me of so much, you bastard!!!
Thank you for letting me rant, I hope I can pass through this one, I do not want to be robbed of my joy and good things because of the anger. I must find a way to forgive him, and I will soon i think I am still just in so much shock...
Enough..... my whole point was even thought I reached out to people this summer I never told them what I was struggling with so I was feeling so alone, and again I am just blown way with the love and support you guys have made me feel, this is truly healing for me and my soul and my family. Thank you thank you thank you.....If you are on my Face book and reading this I love you more than words can say....Thank you for standing by me and some day I might even need you to carry me on those dark days, as well as delight in all my many triumphs I am anticipating..God Bless you all
I had many visitors today,,, thank you Nancy Delcellier, for coming all the way from Ottawa your hugs and kisses were healing to my soul and spirit, Marsha Lynn Peterson-Reilly and Barry, my sons, Josh Morgan, Rutger Chase Männik for coming so far. Jaime Rikki Wilson, Gordon Wilson, and my Alisha Morgan , Graham Potter &Norah Harrison Nelson, thank you for the beautiful prayer and my Thomasine Dingee Vandertogt-Hoyle as she seen the crazed photo search.
Had a wonderful time with the kids going through all the photo albums and picking out pictures we one day might need to share and have organized. I cried, and I laughed oh, the memories and all the ones I had forgotten. God has been so good to me, I am ashamed at the amount of blessings he has poured out on me and my family.. Thanks for the amazing meal Rutger cooked the family.
This last week has been so crazy and shocking and scary, but boy does the reality check come crashing in, what's important whats not...the stress I have carried over the stupidest things and the energy I have wasted..Oh Lord forgive me... I confess that this summer was very very hard for me, I haven't been feeling really well since July and pretty much in bed and not in the store much, I have felt so alone and depressed wondering where all my friends were and believing I had none. I kept going to the doctors and they kept telling me I was depressed and if I wasn't over weight I would feel better and I started to believe them even though I had lost 110 pounds had been walking 8 kms a day and working out with a personal trainer 3`xs a week...I started gaining weight back in May when I started feeling so tired and drained, I couldn't function, I think I used the last of my energy and steam in May when I opened the new store and it took off...I went back so many times to the Dr's it wasn't funny, I even stated seeing a physiologist at their recommending because they kept telling me I was so depressed and wanted me to go on anti depressants. The only real good thing about seeing her was she finally convinced my Dr to do a CT scan in the middle of October which was October 15th to find out our news Thursday and here we are....I am dealing with so much anger over the way the dr. has treated me. How many times I told him something was wrong even after they said I had pneumonia and I finished all the pills and still didn't feel good. I would still be waiting for that scan if she hadn't intervened and now know I most likely wouldn't have been around to have it in my dr.s time line....I'm trying not to waste my energy on all the anger towards him and how he made me doubt me and make me think their was something wrong with me, that I was just depressed. When he told me Thursday that I was sick with something the scan showed i was almost relieved, strangely comforted as I had the right too feel as sick as I did and it wasn't me and I wasn't depressed I was actually sick not just sick but could die at any moment with my heart issues because of the cancer...What a FREAKING asshole DR. GLEN GRIFFEN of Trenton is and shame on him for what he has done to me.. I started going to him with how I have been feeling since last year, last year and here I am terminal stage 4 rare lung cancer... he has robbed me of so much, you bastard!!!
Thank you for letting me rant, I hope I can pass through this one, I do not want to be robbed of my joy and good things because of the anger. I must find a way to forgive him, and I will soon i think I am still just in so much shock...
Enough..... my whole point was even thought I reached out to people this summer I never told them what I was struggling with so I was feeling so alone, and again I am just blown way with the love and support you guys have made me feel, this is truly healing for me and my soul and my family. Thank you thank you thank you.....If you are on my Face book and reading this I love you more than words can say....Thank you for standing by me and some day I might even need you to carry me on those dark days, as well as delight in all my many triumphs I am anticipating..God Bless you all
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