Hope Stone shared Vivacious's photo.
Good Morning again I still so completely overwhelmed with the people, prayers and comments, you have humbled me completely and am embarrassed totally with the heart felt love.. There are no words right now that can express the thanks I have in my heart for you. You have proven that it is not always about the almighty buck and that there is so much more important things beside it. Thank you for proving that VIVACIOUS was much more than that, and how it has been a haven, a safe place, common ground and a place to feel pretty, sexy and have some choices... and for those of us who needed that space..
I wanted to share a little more of my journey here with you also because i believe I am in this horrible terminal position because of my weight, size and being judged...and I know others have shared similar stories with me..WHO do these Doctors think they are......
January 2012: I had lost 110 pounds, I was working with a personal trainer 3 times a week and was walking and jogging up 8 km a day. I started taken a 8 week course on opening the store and getting my ducks in line...I felt hot and on top of the world looking for all the new possibilities fears, stresses etc with a new adventure..I opened the store April 3 2012 scared wondering what I was doing, I know nothing but felt so led to do so. There was a need.. The store was a hit as small and empty those first few weeks..but as I gained confidence and encouragement from you , things started to really bloom and i was so happy. I went to my doctors in July as I was feeling tired and a little run down, and why not I just opened a business single handed and was well received and busy. I had given up the trainer and maintaining my weight, trying to balance this new life of mine..I asked for blood tests cause i was tired, i think he complied but, did get if you lost weight you'd have more energy. Speechless, I looked at the scrawny guy and thought I though i could kick your ass and not break a sweat don't give me that shit.. but I said nothing took it with a grain of a salt as I do every-time I see a medical (using this very loosely) professional. See it had come to the point that they didn't see the 110 pounds i lost just the other 70 pounds I needed to lose. I would wait to the last minute to go to the Dr or hospital because everything was because I was over weight.. WELL< you know your throat wont hurt so much if you lost weight, you know over weight people tend to beak out in poison ivy easy, so much mass you know ..Here is a copy of the Canada food guide perhaps you should give it a try and you will feel better..>lol So let me interject my own humour, but really I think you get the drift...Any Amen's out there!!!
so to continue, I did the project for Three Oaks Calendar "Building Hope" and I ran my butt off most likely 14-18 hour days while still maintaining the store trips to Toronto etc. In November last year i was really feeling run down and I could understand how after all I had completed..Asked again to check my blood as this time I just didn't feel like me, I can usually push my self and make me go but there was nothing. I noticed i started to gain some weight back much to my shigirn...not walking in the mornings, no trainer, and no flipping energy. December 6 i woke up to a large 2.5 x 5 mass on the side of my neck went to the dr they ultra sound it and said it was nothing. January 3rd I started going into anaphylactic shock for no reason, no allergies..they diagnosed me as idiopathic anaphylactic. They said .. wait for it that my auto immune system was working overtime trying to fight an imaginary infection in my body....HMMMM how imaginary was it. for three months this went on and i took more pills. In May the new store was about to open and I was sick really sick but I laid every piece of flooring built the dressing rooms and made it even more Vivacious... I was proud of it...I started noticing I had a cough every morning, my husband teased me about my smokers cough..END of June I was so tired and again not me back to the dr now I am depressed and over weigh. making me take a depression test and at that time i was feeling pretty depressed my daughter was getting married i had no steam or even desire for much I had gained 30 pounds back and I couldn't make it pass 6 o'clock at night I wasn't eating much and didn't really have an appetite , nausea vomiting so I picked small snacks drank protein shakes etc.and was so totally heart broken that weight was coming on and yet another round of if you would just exercise you would feel better and I look at my over weigh Dr assistant giving me this info...I though FU .I started giving my self vitamin B12 shots in the tummy drink liquid b anything to help me... and how exhausted I was.. we went on vacation in the month of July I had four of those masses come up and down in 24 hours. I just laid around on vacation i just wanted to sleep. I even stayed three days longer cause I just couldn't face coming back they way i felt. Went back to the doctor and this time they hooked me up with a psychologist I needed someone to talk to because of my depression ( their words) at this point I stated thinking maybe this is all my fault maybe I was depressed and overweight, its all my fault.. August I was sick so tired sleep a lot was in and out of the store trying to get ready for the fall line. September 9th woke up coughing so bad it was getting worse everyday but no fever no symptoms just coughing and fatigue. I coughed up some blood and thought that's it I'm going to the hospital. I went they did and x-ray and they said I had a black spot on my right upper lobe and one on my right lower lobe that it looked like I had pneumonia for 6-8 weeks...They loaded me with 3 antibiotics and two puffers stay in bed and get checked out again....Complied exactly even through this time my staff member bailed on me for another business opening the same as mine, how nice to train someone for six months and then get screwed when you need them,,,So mom and Alisha stepped into help. After the scrips were done i still didn't feel good. went to Dr hoping he would give me more meds or re-xray like the other dr had said to do. I even showed him a mass that was on the left side of my neck that had stayed this time. he said he'd look into it in 4-6 weeks see if things were better....at this point I went to the psychologist and just cried I was so frustrated, she went to my dr and said you need to hear this woman and get her a ct scan for nothing else but piece of mind..He called me in and made an emergency appoint for a CT Scan... it took 3 1/2 weeks to get....That was October 15th, went for results on the 17 , and guess what I have a 5 cm tumour in my lung with all my lymph nodes swollen.Told us it would take 1 to 2 months to see someone in Kingston and hopefully sooner..My husband was not happy with that info . My husband asked to have the scan sent to an old friend from years ago who had be come a cardiologist just to have him read the jargon and translate what he thought, give us opinions etc. Within 5 minutes he phoned and said did her doctor not tell you she has a Pericardial effusion ( water sac surrounding my heart) on the scan. I was in Peterborough hospital in hours in ICU, then on Sunday night at 8 a surgeon friend of our wonderful DR B ( BUDDY) HUGHES, had done a biopsy and they took my whole lymph node. Tuesday night at 9 pm diagnosed stage 4 rare lung cancer, terminal no cure..With the heart issues perhaps weeks to live...So my question please oh please help me here what did I do wrong, how could this happen, I am dealing with so much anger and trying not to let the negativity ruin my positive out look....Is this all my fault cause I was overweight and judged accordingly... I personally think so...How do I deal with this anger and they even made me start to believe them, I started thinking it was me who was making up all these symptoms ( not sure how the hell you grow tumours , split blood up and make your self go into anaphylactic shock in your mind but hey i guess I'm just that freaking good) So here i am with anger and sharing this with you because there are so many out there that are overweight, been handed the Canadian food guide and told to exercise when we were never REALLY seen past our exterior....What do we as a community do... How do we make sure we are seen and heard??? I have no answers and I will rely on the rage that comes out of you.. By the way My Dr.s name if DR. Glen Griffith in Trenton in case you need a spot, I just gave mine up!!!
I wanted to say that I have had several inquiries into the business, if you are truly interested my accountant should have everything ready today . If you want that info then please email me at hope.s@sympatico.ca and I will mail out packages. Only if you are interested as I would like to move it along quickly as there is many thing i would want to mentor you in. It is my baby so its kinds like picking new parents for you kids. The store has done extremely well and there are things in the works for even better service I just ran out of steam and energy..Thank you for your love and support again.
P.S..If you are a prayer please, my heart is becoming more compromised and is going to be the deciding factor if I get a chance to fight or not. Help me kick Cancers ASS!
I wanted to share a little more of my journey here with you also because i believe I am in this horrible terminal position because of my weight, size and being judged...and I know others have shared similar stories with me..WHO do these Doctors think they are......
January 2012: I had lost 110 pounds, I was working with a personal trainer 3 times a week and was walking and jogging up 8 km a day. I started taken a 8 week course on opening the store and getting my ducks in line...I felt hot and on top of the world looking for all the new possibilities fears, stresses etc with a new adventure..I opened the store April 3 2012 scared wondering what I was doing, I know nothing but felt so led to do so. There was a need.. The store was a hit as small and empty those first few weeks..but as I gained confidence and encouragement from you , things started to really bloom and i was so happy. I went to my doctors in July as I was feeling tired and a little run down, and why not I just opened a business single handed and was well received and busy. I had given up the trainer and maintaining my weight, trying to balance this new life of mine..I asked for blood tests cause i was tired, i think he complied but, did get if you lost weight you'd have more energy. Speechless, I looked at the scrawny guy and thought I though i could kick your ass and not break a sweat don't give me that shit.. but I said nothing took it with a grain of a salt as I do every-time I see a medical (using this very loosely) professional. See it had come to the point that they didn't see the 110 pounds i lost just the other 70 pounds I needed to lose. I would wait to the last minute to go to the Dr or hospital because everything was because I was over weight.. WELL< you know your throat wont hurt so much if you lost weight, you know over weight people tend to beak out in poison ivy easy, so much mass you know ..Here is a copy of the Canada food guide perhaps you should give it a try and you will feel better..>lol So let me interject my own humour, but really I think you get the drift...Any Amen's out there!!!
so to continue, I did the project for Three Oaks Calendar "Building Hope" and I ran my butt off most likely 14-18 hour days while still maintaining the store trips to Toronto etc. In November last year i was really feeling run down and I could understand how after all I had completed..Asked again to check my blood as this time I just didn't feel like me, I can usually push my self and make me go but there was nothing. I noticed i started to gain some weight back much to my shigirn...not walking in the mornings, no trainer, and no flipping energy. December 6 i woke up to a large 2.5 x 5 mass on the side of my neck went to the dr they ultra sound it and said it was nothing. January 3rd I started going into anaphylactic shock for no reason, no allergies..they diagnosed me as idiopathic anaphylactic. They said .. wait for it that my auto immune system was working overtime trying to fight an imaginary infection in my body....HMMMM how imaginary was it. for three months this went on and i took more pills. In May the new store was about to open and I was sick really sick but I laid every piece of flooring built the dressing rooms and made it even more Vivacious... I was proud of it...I started noticing I had a cough every morning, my husband teased me about my smokers cough..END of June I was so tired and again not me back to the dr now I am depressed and over weigh. making me take a depression test and at that time i was feeling pretty depressed my daughter was getting married i had no steam or even desire for much I had gained 30 pounds back and I couldn't make it pass 6 o'clock at night I wasn't eating much and didn't really have an appetite , nausea vomiting so I picked small snacks drank protein shakes etc.and was so totally heart broken that weight was coming on and yet another round of if you would just exercise you would feel better and I look at my over weigh Dr assistant giving me this info...I though FU .I started giving my self vitamin B12 shots in the tummy drink liquid b anything to help me... and how exhausted I was.. we went on vacation in the month of July I had four of those masses come up and down in 24 hours. I just laid around on vacation i just wanted to sleep. I even stayed three days longer cause I just couldn't face coming back they way i felt. Went back to the doctor and this time they hooked me up with a psychologist I needed someone to talk to because of my depression ( their words) at this point I stated thinking maybe this is all my fault maybe I was depressed and overweight, its all my fault.. August I was sick so tired sleep a lot was in and out of the store trying to get ready for the fall line. September 9th woke up coughing so bad it was getting worse everyday but no fever no symptoms just coughing and fatigue. I coughed up some blood and thought that's it I'm going to the hospital. I went they did and x-ray and they said I had a black spot on my right upper lobe and one on my right lower lobe that it looked like I had pneumonia for 6-8 weeks...They loaded me with 3 antibiotics and two puffers stay in bed and get checked out again....Complied exactly even through this time my staff member bailed on me for another business opening the same as mine, how nice to train someone for six months and then get screwed when you need them,,,So mom and Alisha stepped into help. After the scrips were done i still didn't feel good. went to Dr hoping he would give me more meds or re-xray like the other dr had said to do. I even showed him a mass that was on the left side of my neck that had stayed this time. he said he'd look into it in 4-6 weeks see if things were better....at this point I went to the psychologist and just cried I was so frustrated, she went to my dr and said you need to hear this woman and get her a ct scan for nothing else but piece of mind..He called me in and made an emergency appoint for a CT Scan... it took 3 1/2 weeks to get....That was October 15th, went for results on the 17 , and guess what I have a 5 cm tumour in my lung with all my lymph nodes swollen.Told us it would take 1 to 2 months to see someone in Kingston and hopefully sooner..My husband was not happy with that info . My husband asked to have the scan sent to an old friend from years ago who had be come a cardiologist just to have him read the jargon and translate what he thought, give us opinions etc. Within 5 minutes he phoned and said did her doctor not tell you she has a Pericardial effusion ( water sac surrounding my heart) on the scan. I was in Peterborough hospital in hours in ICU, then on Sunday night at 8 a surgeon friend of our wonderful DR B ( BUDDY) HUGHES, had done a biopsy and they took my whole lymph node. Tuesday night at 9 pm diagnosed stage 4 rare lung cancer, terminal no cure..With the heart issues perhaps weeks to live...So my question please oh please help me here what did I do wrong, how could this happen, I am dealing with so much anger and trying not to let the negativity ruin my positive out look....Is this all my fault cause I was overweight and judged accordingly... I personally think so...How do I deal with this anger and they even made me start to believe them, I started thinking it was me who was making up all these symptoms ( not sure how the hell you grow tumours , split blood up and make your self go into anaphylactic shock in your mind but hey i guess I'm just that freaking good) So here i am with anger and sharing this with you because there are so many out there that are overweight, been handed the Canadian food guide and told to exercise when we were never REALLY seen past our exterior....What do we as a community do... How do we make sure we are seen and heard??? I have no answers and I will rely on the rage that comes out of you.. By the way My Dr.s name if DR. Glen Griffith in Trenton in case you need a spot, I just gave mine up!!!
I wanted to say that I have had several inquiries into the business, if you are truly interested my accountant should have everything ready today . If you want that info then please email me at hope.s@sympatico.ca and I will mail out packages. Only if you are interested as I would like to move it along quickly as there is many thing i would want to mentor you in. It is my baby so its kinds like picking new parents for you kids. The store has done extremely well and there are things in the works for even better service I just ran out of steam and energy..Thank you for your love and support again.
P.S..If you are a prayer please, my heart is becoming more compromised and is going to be the deciding factor if I get a chance to fight or not. Help me kick Cancers ASS!
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