Good Morning My Team Awesome ...

Well very disappointing day yesterday. Not one call from anyone I was expecting an information highway buzzing about but nothing...I don't do well with nothing I need progress and a plan and a goal. so nothing....
I did have the wonderful experience of Trenton memorial hospital trip....My cardiologist phoned ahead to let the me know i was coming ( at shift change) the triage (guy) nurse could use a few manners and a little compassion. Yes, I`m having heart issues I`m terminal cancer a dr has called ahead, OK go registrar and we will call when we have a bed. I put you as a 2 code. I though what the freak you gotta be to be a code one gee-sh I`m dying already.... I sat for 1/2 hour till (they found me a bed) when I walked back I seen nothing but empty beds except for 1 so , I don't know what they did with all the people that were stacked around somewhere.....(back door)
as I was walking to the bed and passed the one woman Laying there she called out my name HOPE, I`m praying for you I read your blog.. I was shocked.. went to the bed and then I heard her whisper, that is one strong woman she is an inspiration...WOW way to go team awesome your everywhere!!!

So they took an x ray of my heart it is larger, and there is something in my lung ( fluid or infection. something from radiation) not sure what that means, my vitals all went back to normal which was great cause I did not want to have a tap on my heart in Trenton.. The nurse was amazing and the doctor was great also. I joked with them and they were impressed with my humour.. go think I didn't even have to break out the tourettes lol. The only thing, is this I took a real hit in my confidence, each time I realize how sick I am, and that these little runs to the hospitals will become and all to reality for me.. I hate all of this...I hate to see my mom stress and cry and my sister with worry on their face and not really knowing do we go do we wait it out what the hell am I suppose to do....
The one thing I begged a sleeping pill for the young doctor and he gave it to me. I t did nothing the steroids are so much stronger.. I did sleep from 8-1 so I did sleep and felt a little better but up again all night...
So after I left the hospital i went to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled and there was another member of team awesome, Came up hugged and loved me and is praying for me.. Geesh You guys are everywhere. My team of heavenly angels are all around every corner....
My husbands uncle died last night and that was very sad for him, but I wasn't told.I understand people don`t want me to deal with anything else than I have to but life goes on and I wanna be a part of it, good bad and ugly. So don't take my opportunities away. I find people are trying to protect me and that makes me mad... I feel like all the control in my life is gone ( good bad or what ever) but today I am feeling a freaking control face on today.. there could be some serious something flying about today...no sure but I`m going to do something.....That I am in control of dam it.....
So, I get up at 1ish afraid to open my eyes praying that its 4 or 5 or something but it wasn't. I got up and went out on my back deck, I have french doors off my bedroom and every night i have them wide open blowing all the fresh air into my room .. you need to wear a coat if you come in to visit as my poor sister comes in with. I went out on the deck and felt the beautiful night breeze blowing my hair and my face and clothes.. I have a large chimes ringing away and it was so peaceful. I looked up and saw some stars and thought how beautiful the night sky and how peaceful i need to feel the peace after all the churning emotions i was feeling..Then i felt thankful for that.. I got to thinking about all the people who worship the stars and study all the stars to get the answers for their life plans and thought how said.. I just look to the guy who made the stars to get my answers...What an amazing creator we have...

Well don't know what my day will be. I am not in control so I will clean something just to prove I can still be in control....lol feeling rebellious . I might take my convertible out with the lid down and the heat on and drive like a crazy woman.....lol
stay tune for local new watches...lol — feeling determined.