My journey through The Diagnoses, Treatment, and Survival of Terminal Cancer...
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Good Morning Team Awesome, You have done it again, you held me up when I was needing some strength around me... Thank you! you are all so special to me with different talents gifts and words...
My theme for the day is God will make a way where there seems to be no way..... He has put me here for a reason and dam it , I will not go down easy.... I will get the freaking drug some way, they are going to the MPP today , Brad is going back to his company that he retired from and see if they will help, we are filling out papers for a Trillium grant and we will not take no for answer, not today or any day.
I think I needed to be weak last night, I think I needed to rest in the arms of God, because I did! I was so tired, I have slept as of yesterday about 14-16 hours in 8 days, so not much again it is bound to effect me emotional and mentally. I wasn't prepared for the news yesterday. I thought it would be all good and roses and sunshine and, Oh Mrs Stone we mixed your file up with someone else... sorry really your fine take this prescription and your healed......( I am still waiting for this moment maybe I missed the step of acceptance)but that's the thing all of these steps and processes keep coming back based on whats happening in my life(death). I went to bed last night about 8 till 11 30 and slept on and off...My cousin and hubby arrived then and we had a cry and a hug and a little visit before I was exhausted again. I went to bed at midnight and slept till 4 so that is really great and I feel much better mentally...4 hours sleep way to go team awesome your prayers were powerful and were heard and answered. How can that not be a great thing. To know we have a line to a loving God who hears the cries of our heart and will bless us with his answers.....Thank you for the sleep Lord I needed it. I needed to be remind that I don't and CAN"T do this on my own strength. (I'm really bad at this I don't want to bother anyone especially God he is busy guy and I should be able to figure stuff out on my own...) Not the best plan.... He knows better than I do..... My mom always had this little plaque on the wall with a saying in it and this is me to a T... As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God because He is my friend. But instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own. At last I snatched them back and cried, "How can You be so slow?" "My child," He said, "what could I do? You never let them go." - Author unknown- Its me I have a hard time letting go , letting go of control, of fear, of anger, of letting go. SO, today I, HOPE STONE CHOOSE TO LET GO..... AND LET GOD!!! He has a plan, I don't know what it is and he is big enough to figure it out with out me....So I'm taking the day off of this cancer bullshit and going to scratch something off my bucket list....My mom, cousin, and girls are all going to the casino with my my friend East Coast Johnny, Donna Margaret Duncanwonderful husband and has booked a private table for me to learn Blackjack at. If I cant have a fun filled day with John and all these girls I don't know what I can do. My wonderful friend Andrea Davis Trenton is going to go and run the store, Vivacious so Alisha Morgan can have a day of shenanigans with her mom and sister, Jaime Rikki Wilson, my wonderful cousin Shari Jarvis, my mom and of course me..( I'm not sure if John knows what he got into the other night...lol that will teach him to drink that any beers or not really....lol
Now the one thing that would make this even greater is a limo, does anyone have a connection or a name that I could hire to drive us to Gananoque Casino, today from 11 - 5 ish... I called one guy and it was almost the amount of the miracle drug, lol not really but $600.00....lol I mean if they have nothing booked today why not get some cash....Anyway if anyone knows or could suggest then that would be great.. It would be fun to be all in one vehicle but I was thinking that if I got tired I could go lay down for awhile also, this is totally a waste of money and I should be ashamed but I've never done anything frivolous like this and have worked hard my whole life and if were going cross something off the bucket list why not in style...... and what is money now....lol
So, The news yesterday was not good. I am back on the critical list again and they are going to try to help somehow, we need to attack these cancer cells and quickly. I am slated to start a clinical trail in two weeks but Dr says that's to long and to wait, I don't have the time, and pulled it from me, so I start some chemo on Friday, and we pray (there is still a window this morning to be approved for the drug...I could actually have it in my hand Friday if all can work out) and we can find a place to buy it from (I believe with my whole heart that this is what is suppose to happen, I just also know God has his own timing so I will trust and wait patiently on the Lord)..( while my husband is on the phone raising all the hell he can possible muster)
oh, yes some other wonderful news, my big sister Suzette Earhart, was approved for a paid leave of absence so she can come look after me for the next 4 weeks.....Thank you government job....lol and thank you Suzette. she will be with me when i do my first chemo, she said nothing would stop her from being here and I believe it...I just wish was here for today's event but we will think of some other trouble to get into....
So attached is my song for today, Its called God will make a way...and he can, and he will....I believe it with all my heart!!!
Love you all so much boy you guys were quick on the prayers and words of encouragement last night....Thank you !
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