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Good Morning
Team Awesome….
First I need
to say thank you for all the prayers the last few days.. I would like to say I
am physically healed but not yet… However my mental and emotion self is feeling
much much better…God does work in mysterious ways and he is alive and speaks to
us in ways you sometimes just cant fathom…I asked for help and I needed to feel
something and I did.. Again in the strangest places... When you ask to hear or
feel God it would be so nice if he just spoke in that thunderous voice like in
the Ten Commandments and the clouds would open and he would tell me to get it
together and that he loved me and he had a plan for me….but God never speaks to
me that way. It’s subtle and usually with out all the fanfare… Let me tell you
how God once again used your prayers and how he spoke to me…..
Monday
Tuesday and Wednesday, I was so weepy… I didn’t even notice. I would just sit
and the tears would stream down my face… My heart just felt such sadness about
it and I couldn’t put my finger on why?
Yes I know I have lots of reasons to be weepy but I sure don’t like to
be and I try hard not to….I am feeling so exhausted again and I look it….Again
this bothers me .. I don’t want to look
tired and sad, honestly I don’t. I want to be happy and joyful and look
beautiful, but its not in the cards for me right now…
Thursday I
was feeling so ….I don’t even know the words to speak it….I am doing well, as
well as the cancer goes it’s the side effects and the emotional toll it is
taking on me and my poor husband. I take
1 pill twice a day for my cancer but
then take 7 pills to help me with all the side effects…I have horrible tummy pain
followed by sever diarrhea ( sorry if it to much information) every day my legs
and feet swell unbelievablly no matter what I do and how many pills I take. My
eyes are one of the major areas that are affected making it hard for me to even
drive. I don’t drive often anymore but I still like the freedom to be able to
when I want to. My eyes do weird things in low light and I was warned that
between dusk and dawn not to drive. Things follow in my eyes. Like if I look at
a post and turn my head it follows in a smear all the way across my field of
vision and then there is all different kinds of lights and things that flash
blink and other wise makes your eyes very weird. When I first started on the
medication this side effect wasn’t to bad it mostly happened between the hours
of 9-11 pm or if I got up in the night to use the bathroom, but now it is from
about 6 at night to 7 in the morning and if it is a grey day or rainy it
happens taking more freedom away form me...
With all of
this I was at a place where I felt I couldn’t even pray for myself, I had no
words just tears, I was feeling angry with God and starting to feel bitterness
creep into my heart and I don’t want or need that, I have enough problems right
now….LOL So I thought I will ask Team Awesome for some super duper prayers for
me (as I know a lot of you pray for me on a regular basis) I just needed a
prayer boost. Well I decided to go for a
walk, (I am trying to get back into walking after being in bed for so long I am
week and slow and still a little afraid of my heart and lungs cooperating with
me) so I walked up one block then turned and did another block then crossed the
road to do one more block and then home. I had Ruby my dog with me as we were
walking there was a man with a dog coming towards me and ruby being the
friendly sort I ask if she could visit with his dog, which was ok so as the
dogs are doing their doggy thing we started to chat… he asked me how I was and
I said ok thinking he was being polite, then he said that it was so good to see
me out and walking ( I never met this man before or knew him) he continued to
say how he had watched the video that was done on me for the doc fest and said
how much he admired my strength and courage and how him and his family were
praying for me. I was touched greatly
and gently nudged by my heavenly father..see I am here for you, you may not be
able to pray but others are and I hear the prayers, you are not alone….I walk
away with a tear in my eye as my heart
warmed with my Fathers love, he really is a great God and knows what he is
doing.. Later that day I decided to go
for another walk and I didn’t get very far.
A few houses down a neighbour was sitting on her front porch. I know her
to see her but that is it. She called my name out and asked how I was doing.
She then said I know your woman of great faith and strength and I know this
must be hard on you but we are praying for you and I know a lot of other people
are also. All the things we hear about are always so positive you are a kind woman
and do a lot of good in the community. I was very humbled and teary again as my
God nudged me yet again…God is good and my spirits rose considerably. I immediately
was thanking God for all of you and your words of encouragement and prayers.
Thank you … thank you for being faithful and encouraging. This is a journey I am on and you are along
for the ride with me as you have chosen to be.
There are things I am learning even if I don’t want to or chose to.
Sunday night
I sang in public for the first time since I got my voice back, I was nervous as
to how strong it was and could I do it.
Well, I did and I got a standing ovation, my heart was moved. I love to sing and to be able to sing praises
is so amazing. I shared a little with the crowd what journey I have been going
on and asked for their prayers for me and my family and I know I will have more
support. I truly believe I am here today
because of the prayers offered up by people like you. I told them that night
and I tell you now God is not finished with me yet and I will be here longer to
learn and grow and share.
I was at Loyalist
College yesterday for the day taking part of the “Poverty Challenge” again. I
was asked to speak and share my story and my journey. This is the third time I
have been asked to come and share and every time is different and hard but very
rewarding. I really wasn’t feeling up to going and wondered why am I doing this
again, I was debating with calling and cancelling but that is not me I make a
commitment and see it through, so I did and was greatly blessed again. At the
end of the event there is a Q & A time. A gentleman asked if I believed
that God was real and if I had come so far because of my faith. I was able to share with the group my faith
and my beliefs and felt really good about it.
I thanked God for the opportunity to share, many hearts were touched as
evidence of all the tears being shed, and again my God nudged me and said see I
have a purpose for you. I am reminded once again of my life verse from Jeremiah
29:11 For I know the plans I have
for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans
to give you hope and a future. I claim this yet again!
Thank you
for your nudges God….and thank you again for your prayers and support….You really
are my Team Awesome
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