Merry Christmas to Team Awesome...
Thank you for all the prayers and love sent my way.

A funny story. I was talking to a lady at the cancer center who was sending me a number for peer support for the cancer line. so she messages me a number... and says to press #2 and then ask for Nicole. So I dial the number and a very fun loving voice comes on the line and say if your a female looking for a good time and want to talk to a cool guy press #2, which was fine but it wasn't the cancer peer line it was a sex chat line, so I promptly hung up and think OK obviously I have made a mistake so after the third try with the same results I figure perhaps this is the right number maybe this is how they make you feel better....lol
I actually did find the right number the first three digits for the cancer line is 939 and the sex line is 393...lol
You gotta have a sense of humour...

Anyway I hope you all have a great day, make good memories and enjoy the time with your family and friends....Love you all!
Merry Christmas....

Good morning...
I have been sick the last week and pretty much in bed again... I am feeling better and Brad actually took me to the mall yesterday morning and I did an hour of shopping and that was enough I was done. I cant believe how tired and weak I get.
I seen both Doctors last Friday heart is the same still has fluid but stable. Dr Rothenstein hasn't got much to say until he gets me another CT scan in January, so I am in limbo. I was hoping that my miracle pill would make me feel better. MY lumps and bumps are down but I have lots of side effects and my breathing is not great at all. I am on oxygen all most all the time now..I hate that. I just want to feel better. I am sleeping 8 hours every night now. My doctor finally gave me a sleeping pill to take every night and it helps so I take it religiously. I have been off the steroids for 2 weeks now and my face is still swollen and I still get the shakes constantly. All of my children will be home for Christmas and I am glad. I am officially crossing having one more christmas off my bucket list ( as I anticipate to Wake up tomorrow morning...lol).

I'm sorry I haven't posted more this past week but I just wasn't up to it. Between being sick and I have been very down this past week and i didn't want to spread to much of that around. I'm sorry I try to to be up and happy but I have come to realize that there are times when I need to grieve and feel the loss. I got a call from the blood donors clinic this week wanting me to schedule my next appointment. Of course I told them I couldn't donate anymore and started crying. They said thank you for all the donations that every time I gave a pint of blood I saved three peoples lives. I saved almost 150 peoples lives but I can't save my own.....how Ironic....

Thank you all who have been praying for me. I pray all of you have a wonderful Christmas and have a great evening tonight and a wonderful day tomorrow. Thank you my Team Awesome...Merry Christmas.

Good Morning


Well I slept 3 hours out of the last 49. I'm not sure what's going on with this body of mine but here I am. I have not been posting much as I have been so exhausted and tired I haven't been functioning well.

Despite the negative sleepage.. I am feeling not to bad. I think this miracle pill has really kicked in and my body is starting to feel a little better than it has in a long time. A lot of the side effects are leaving or changing to quit a manageable thing and I am very thankful for that.

It's nice to be able to see something good for a change.

I go to the heart doctor and the oncologist today most likely the last time till after Christmas. I have our company Christmas party at the Chamber of Commerce tonight at the knights of Columbus hall to go to night and am looking forward to that if I can stay awake...lol Brad is off tonight so it will be our Christmas / anniversary party. I will be taking my mom and Jerry and Alisha and Graham. It was great party last year so I'm sure it will be good again tonight.

I wanted to thank Teresa for the beautiful bracelet you gave me the other day.
I was extremely touched and blessed by it. You see Teresa lost her son to cancer I think 2 years ago this past February ( correct me next time you see me if I'm wrong) . Her and her son had these matching silver bracelets and on them they say Fuck cancer in the script of a heart monitor...with the heart beats on each side . It is very beautiful and although some may be offended at the text the truth is "Fuck Cancer" it has robbed so many and is so unfair. I find the phrase very appropriate...Brad and I had friends that just lost their mom to cancer and they ended all of their correspondence with that, when they did I was a little taken back because I thought gee-sh I didn't think these people swore, but once you have been around cancer and seen how unfair it is you can understand why one would feel that way...... AS I do now......Any ways.w hen Teresa's son pasted away he gave his bracelet to his favourite nurse. When I was in the bank the other day Teresa told me the story and said I now know who I have to give my bracelet to and she took it off and put it on my wrist. of course the two of us were bawling and crying there in the bank. Didn't matter to me who heard or saw. I was so touched that she would give me this that had been so precious to her. I couldn't believe it and am am wearing it with great pride and will not take it off. It is beautiful in so many ways to me. The thought, the love and the gift. Teresa has struggled over the loss of her son as many of us would, she has shared with me how my blog has helped her and again I was so moved that I could help in some small way. She says that I am real and I share the ups and the downs from my heart and I don't filter the truth and I don't. I struggle sometimes begin to real but how can you be to real. I love this bracelet and i love the person who gave it to me very much and am touched and blessed by it. It is a reminder to me how we can touch a persons life without even trying how God can use you in ways you can't possible see or anticipate. That God does work and move and is alive today tomorrow and forever and that this same God can choose to heal me or call me home and I am OK with whatever he has in store as I know he has a plan... Don't get me wrong I would much prefer to be healed and kicking around for 20 - 30 more years, I'm OK with what he has planned.

Thank you Teresa for this lovely gift and reminding me of many many things I needed to remember... I really needed that!

So I press on ahead to all the doctors look forward to many good reports and sharing all that info with you guys later.. Thanks team awesome!!!

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Good Morning


Well I slept 3 hours out of the last 49. I'm not sure what's going on with this body of mine but here I am. I have not been posting much as I have been so exhausted and tired I haven't been functioning well.

Despite the negative sleepage.. I am feeling not to bad. I think this miracle pill has really kicked in and my body is starting to feel a little better than it has in a long time. A lot of the side effects are leaving or changing to quit a manageable thing and I am very thankful for that.

It's nice to be able to see something good for a change.

I go to the heart doctor and the oncologist today most likely the last time till after Christmas. I have our company Christmas party at the Chamber of Commerce tonight at the knights of Columbus hall to go to night and am looking forward to that if I can stay awake...lol Brad is off tonight so it will be our Christmas / anniversary party. I will be taking my mom and Jerry and Alisha and Graham. It was great party last year so I'm sure it will be good again tonight.

I wanted to thank Teresa for the beautiful bracelet you gave me the other day.
I was extremely touched and blessed by it. You see Teresa lost her son to cancer I think 2 years ago this past February ( correct me next time you see me if I'm wrong) . Her and her son had these matching silver bracelets and on them they say Fuck cancer in the script of a heart monitor...with the heart beats on each side . It is very beautiful and although some may be offended at the text the truth is "Fuck Cancer" it has robbed so many and is so unfair. I find the phrase very appropriate...Brad and I had friends that just lost their mom to cancer and they ended all of their correspondence with that, when they did I was a little taken back because I thought gee-sh I didn't think these people swore, but once you have been around cancer and seen how unfair it is you can understand why one would feel that way...... AS I do now......Any ways.w hen Teresa's son pasted away he gave his bracelet to his favourite nurse. When I was in the bank the other day Teresa told me the story and said I now know who I have to give my bracelet to and she took it off and put it on my wrist. of course the two of us were bawling and crying there in the bank. Didn't matter to me who heard or saw. I was so touched that she would give me this that had been so precious to her. I couldn't believe it and am am wearing it with great pride and will not take it off. It is beautiful in so many ways to me. The thought, the love and the gift. Teresa has struggled over the loss of her son as many of us would, she has shared with me how my blog has helped her and again I was so moved that I could help in some small way. She says that I am real and I share the ups and the downs from my heart and I don't filter the truth and I don't. I struggle sometimes begin to real but how can you be to real. I love this bracelet and i love the person who gave it to me very much and am touched and blessed by it. It is a reminder to me how we can touch a persons life without even trying how God can use you in ways you can't possible see or anticipate. That God does work and move and is alive today tomorrow and forever and that this same God can choose to heal me or call me home and I am OK with whatever he has in store as I know he has a plan... Don't get me wrong I would much prefer to be healed and kicking around for 20 - 30 more years, I'm OK with what he has planned.

Thank you Teresa for this lovely gift and reminding me of many many things I needed to remember... I really needed that!

So I press on ahead to all the doctors look forward to many good reports and sharing all that info with you guys later.. Thanks team awesome!

Good Morning People...
Well, I have slept slept and slept more.. I think I just did moths of sleeping and I finally feel refreshed. Finally. I actually feel like I had a normal day yesterday and it feels good. I went to the nurse practitioner yesterday at 1:00 and discussed my care with her. It was a hard conversation but a good one. My daughter Jaime Rikki Wilson drove me and came in with me and I( was very glad she did. After that she brought me home tucked me in for a nap and I had a nice 11/2 nap then got up and puttered around till 7:30 then Alisha Morgan and I did a quick run to food-land and the mail. I was exhausted but I tried to stay up till 9:30 so I could go to bed at a regular time. See if I can get my life back on a schedule of some sorts. I slept straight through till 3:30 this morning and when I woke up I felt rested.... What a wonderful, wonderful feeling. I felt rested. I was beginning to wonder if that would ever happen again. The last few days have been really really hard. I was wondering if this is how I am going to feel for the rest of my life and it didn't feel very good.. I have been so weak, and not eating and dizzy and cold and just no energy, no life no anything, just laying in bed....I though if this is the rest of my life I don't think I can live it like this...this is not living at all....

The last few days I have been in bed and very low....It has been really hard on so many levels. Mentally, physically and spiritually. I do not make a good sick person at all. I am a doer and laying around is not good for me, but when you feel so bad what are the other choices? Well, I was reminded yesterday.... Count my blessings... Count my blessings..... a friend who has been struggling with this fight for 10 years reminded me to count my blessings.. It was her birthday and she was counting hers.. and I felt ashamed that I had lost my way so easily... And so proud of her in all that she does and who she is. I needed to be reminded.. It is so hard to get distracted by other things. I wanted to share what she posted as there is nothing else to say.. Count your Blessing....
I love you all so much and you are on my blessing lists....

Teresa Bell
I have been given many, many gifts in my life. I am a very blessed person. Recently I learned about counting gifts...counting the gifts God has given me day to day. This in itself has become an awesome gift...this "counting of gifts". This morning, on my 45th birthday, I awoke and it was one of those awesome awakenings when your mind is immediately alert. I started counting gifts.....
1) the weight of my body on the soft mattress
2) the presence of my husband next to me
3) the warmth of my blankets
4) the knowledge my children were all sleeping in comfortable, safe places
5) my body does not hurt anywhere at this moment
6) my body will have strength to rise out of bed
7) this is my tenth birthday celebration since being diagnosed with cancer

My heart feels peace, my body feels comfortable, my family surrounds me, my God loves me and I have been given yet another day to play in this awesome playground he created for me. Life is good!blessings my dear friends.. Count your blessings....

Hope Stone

Good Morning all of my wonderful friends and supporters...

I sure don't know what was happening yesterday with my post. I guess things were trying to keep all the good news ans prayer requests lost, but it dint work....

So if you ready for some good news I would like to share it with you.

My doctor is thrilled with the results of what is happening with my lymph nodes. He had great hopes that they would all start shrinking and it looks like they are. My breathing is wonderful, no shortage of breath, my oxygen levels are great, just some oxygen at night for me, but he feels that should even get better... My heart is doing so much better, I am able to not use the wheel chair and start getting my heart and body built up again as it is pretty week right now ( I will use the chair for long distance or power shopping right Nancy Delcellier as I do tire easy). Going up and down stairs is way better, its more my body is not use to and i need to rebuild. I will start walking up and down the path next to me starting Monday get a bit of a routine together. I am able to go off the steroids after 1 more 1/2 pill. Ya....I wouldn't be sad to see them go. As to all the problems with my throat the pain losing my voice etc. I have thrush from all the steroids so on one more medicine for that and they should feel better again.

I see him again next week but it looks like the drug is kicking in and once I'm finished with the steroids then maybe we can actually see the side effects i have to deal with. To me there isn't much. They are a little strange but I can breath and looks like I'm going to get a few more months out of this.......My husband proposed to me and we have permission to flight to the Dominican and renew our vows on January 8th on the beach. I am so happy , its a dream I didn't think would come true...so if anyone wants a vacation I'm booking it next week..come for the vacation and then the celebration. all inclusive adults only 5 star.. around 1400...let me know......I'm wedding dress shopping!!!!! it was on my list!!!!
I am gong to have to rely on God on this one as I am going to have to get something off rack that will fit...as there is no time to order anything in. But i hear that God can do all things, so I will count on him again....

So, last night at midnight I hadn't slept for over 44 hours and I was so upset and tired I said that's it. I got up and took 2 sleeping pills and the I actually slept for 5/12 hours and oh that was sweet...
Feeling much better today actually more like my old self which is saying a lot after no feeling good since last May.

So great news.. I am slightly excited ( trying to contain myself) and yet wanting to scream form the roof tops

( MY MIRACLE DRUG IS WORKING ).....

Good Morning!

Well I take the good with the bad. Great sleep yesterday no sleep last night. 
I don't feel to bad this morning. I'm off to Oshawa this morning to see my Doctor and see what he has to say about my disappearing lymph node and some of the other things at hat have changed this week. The swelling in my legs stopped which was nice so I stopped taking the fluid pills, which in turn brought my blood pressure down, so I didn't take those pills either. I'm down to 1/2 a steroid, morphine and my miracle pill. I may be sick but i don't want all the pills ans stuff that goes along with it. So , I will do my best to be healthy as I can during this time. 
I had a few good visits yesterday. I want to thank Jeanne Nielsen for her visit I appreciated it so much. She brought me some CHAI seeds mixed in a chi latte smoothie and it was amazing, it filled my tummy and was so smooth tasting and yummy I couldn't believe the taste of it, it reminded me of tapioca but with no sugar. (for some reason I'm having a side effect of everything taste really sweet to me and my mouth is numb there is no cold or hot just this sweet taste in my mouth which you would think is nice but I am not a sweet water and I just want cold water and it is weird cause there is no cold anymore..) then she made made an amazing smoothie again with the chia seeds and yogurt and unpasteurized honey and some frozen fruits. It was so smooth and tasty I couldn't believe how good it tasted and filled my tummy up. Thank you so much it was a new item to add to my list of healthy and yummy things, that my tummy and throat will take. My mom came and then baked me some pumpkin in custard cups and that was yummy also... and went down nicely. My good friend Yvonne popped in and we visited also. Then later in the evening my friend Gerry Katherine Terry came by for a little visit, by then i want in great shape. My throat and voice is so sore its not funny talking is very painful so I guess I will earn to be quiet for a while....lol RIGHT!!!
So I get a registered letter from my doctor yesterday, I was very puzzled and I didn't want to open it, as I couldn't fathom what he would send me.. I waited till a friend came over and she opened for me to read it. He wanted to ask that if we are going to have a meeting to please book before Christmas holidays begin..OK strange but why registered? CYA? Strange just thought I would mention it.

It doesn't seem like Brad can change malls, but I don't believe that. What will l they do if he just quits? I told him to go to the mall Santa in Belleville explain what is going on and see if he is willing to even do a few days a week exchange, surely someone who says their wife is dying of cancer can get a sympathy vote at Christmas from a Santa!!!!! 

I would like to call my Team Awesome up to the plate today also but on a side bar. My sister Suzette Earhart, is going to court today to battle for her grandchildren. They were abducted and taken to the states a while ago and she got them back, they were not in a safe environment and not with good people. So her son has custody and now the mother is trying to get visitation where she has had none. Please pray that things go well for her. I know this a huge thing on her heart and her family's safety and peace. I love you Suz I will be praying and thinking of you all day. 

So I'm off for the day we again and will see if it goods, bad or ugly but what ever it brings I know I have the Lord to lean on and you guys.. Have great day and I hope to have some great news to share with you today!!!

GOOD MORNING!

OH OH CAP LOCKS IT'S GOTTA BE GOOD!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS....USUALLY SOME MUSIC.....WE NEED A SONG TODAY...HERE WE GO!!!

This is the best I have felt in months.. Come on miracle pill.
I actually am sleeping about 4-41/2 hours a night now, so that is great...
I have been very tired the last few days so I have just laid around and tried to rest when I could even if I'm not sleeping... I think that has helped also.

It's so funny the more I try to make plans the more they seem to fall apart. I had my yesterday all organized and it went sideways really quick on me...Thought I go out in the morning with some ladies for a bible study. Cancelled due to some freezing rain, but on the other hand went to Belleville on a whims notice and received exactly what I needed a nurse practitioner, which was able to do a swab on my throat asap and let me know I wasn't sick with strep in 10 minutes. I went to the funeral home, everyone was so crushed that I was doing that but that was easy for me. I'm a cheap ass give me the basics let me pay and don't let my husband have me stuffed and propped in the corner cause I know he would....lol The thing that gets me is I am getting cremated ( never thought I would say that but the options really aren't many) I though about donating my body to science, I figure at least one or two other people might get one more good laugh at my expense...lol but no simple cremation and a urn. Just hand my honey my ashes and leave him alone... that was the easiest part of all of this. Simple cold hard facts and numbers. You know it is such a rip off playing on your loved ones emotions,( wouldn't you want your loved one to be at rest in 10,000 piece of wood that is going to rot anyway, cant you see them enjoying eternity with this pink satin lining and matching pillow)....right I have to pay 600. for a cardboard box to be cremated in ( oops there is a lining of wood now cant be burned in just plan cardboard....)give me a freaking break $600. Not to mention there is an environmental fee of 25.00 . ( What the freak environmental fee... Shouldn't they pay me to what damage can I do now...... Well the funeral home didn't make any money on me..just the basics cost $3050.00 plus HST... so that is looked after.

Then I was so looking forward to some friends popping in last night but they were unable to make it as they were afraid of the road conditions last night so I was disappointed and another quiet night. I can only handle a few quiet nights guys so come on with some shenanigans please......I'm begging ya's....

So I just wanted to mention that some weird things happen when you get sick like this.. All of a sudden people come crawling out of your past or not even your past but others and feel like they have the right to be involved in your life or what is left of it....I sort of feel to bad so sad you haven't been involved in 12 years why would I want you involved now when to me its the most personal time I have and am willing to share with select people. I don't share all of this with just anybody.(lol) If you are on my list then you are "SPECIAL" ( even the ones with the helmets..lol)... And I chose to share my moments with you. This summer I went through and cut about 120 people off my Facebook as they were just people not friends or really acquaintances etc. you know so in so and they know so in so so you should be a friend also....kinds stuff it just seems to grow..I was brutal, more I was tired of every bodies drama and people who I thought were my friends after 21 years I found out when I really needed them they weren't there. Now If I was your friend for 21 years and was one your face book and one day you notice I have taken you off, would you not question why? I have don't this and heard nothing from that person....hmmmm makes you think.
Anyway, who do you think should surface and want to be there and support me and my husband in this horrible time but my husbands ex wife??? I've never met her don't care to and all of a sudden I'm getting posts about what a wonderful Santa my husband makes his big blue twinkling eyes and his wonderful comfy lap to crawl on and by the way pray for his dying wife. And she starts a prayer circle for me etc.. Am I missing something here. Am I being ungrateful for a "caring" concerned person???? WTF???? I was very hurt and felt almost violated by this person.. You know this year for valentines day she sent us her and Brads wedding pictures....with a wonderful new picture of her...and a 2 page letter. she has tried to friend us add us to Skype, phoned friends with her concern???I say back the F*(@ up and go get a life Bitch ...Leave me and my husband in peace. am I to harsh??? So my hubby messaged her and told her exactly what I said....unfortunately I had to unfriend another person who was the way she was getting and sharing my stuff. STRANGE!!!!
I also have a person coming today that hasn't been involved in my life in 12 years,she seen me yesterday fell apart and is showing up at 9 this morning for what I don't know. Is it for them or for me???Colour me confused. I don't' know maybe people have unfinished business and want to get the doors closed. I tell you this I'm feisty again so I wont be making things easy...( be afraid be very very afraid,,,,lol) You guys know I talk a big a game but I'm a mush...lol

Brad is trying to change malls with the Santa in Belleville so please pray that this works out for us. he is trying so hard to stay in Pickering for the last few weeks but it is really hard on both of us. I need my hubby here but again good ole money. so i ask that you send prayers ahead of the head office to see if they can work something out. Even if he could do half the days in Belleville then he could at least be here some of the time...

I go to Oshawa again to morrow for blood work and to see my Dr. Rothenstien, I hope to surprise him with the one tumour gone and hopefully he can see a difference in the other ones. I hope we can figure my throat out also. It hurts so badly and I am losing my voice now..I am eating mostly liquids as it hurts so badly.and swallowing is getting more difficult. Milkshakes and smoothies feel so good but they sure don't fill the tummy...anyways good thing I have some extra weight on.
They kept telling me not to worry about it. First time in 21 years I haven't worried about losing weight but apparently that will be one of my symptoms as time goes by. Go figure Ill probably make my goal weigh just in time for cremation... Life is not fair!!!!
Any way weird post Ill let you judge today. I do feel good, I actually feel like I have some energy, so I will use it wisely and accordingly. Looking forward to Yvonne Weatherell visit this afternoon. ( no pressure...lol)

Have great day and please pray for God to make a way for my hubby to be home and work at the same time.. Love you guys all...

Get up and feel good with me.................we gotta share the good days and the bad so here we go!!!!!!!!

James Brown - I Feel Good

www.youtube.com

James Brown - I Feel Good Soundtrack to Garfield

Good Morning team awesome...

It is so had to believe it is December 4/13. 
I'm not sure where the time has gone and Christmas is so quickly approaching. I am usually all good and done shopping with almost everything wrapped up. So all of a sudden I feel very panicky about getting Christmas done. We have tried to simplify gift giving this year as there is so many of us, we picked names and have a budget. We have done this the last 2 years ans it works well for all the kids...I don't like it cause I see so many things that people would like and I want to go and get them for them so I have found a loop hole...Don't tell the kids on me. we are suppose to spend 60. on the gift for someone then we do a 30. Chinese gift and then everybody buy 25-3= stocking suffers as i use to take care of them all but we have 18 stocking and that added up big time so. What i do is if I see something that some one would really love it then i buy it and put it in their stocking....lol My wonderful friend Nancy Delcellier is coming Saturday and our mission Christmas 2013. take it of the list....So be careful you might be seeing that crazy scooter cart with a beaver tail racing through the mall with a steely look of determination and focus....stay back I take no prisoners....

So, this is a little story that you might think gross but very true in the life of Hope. I giggle when i think of it so if I giggle you get to share in it... it is morning so you choose to skip over it....So heads up.

So one of the things with my miracle drug is that I am suppose to take it very carefully and on time. The doctor lectured me extensively on begin careful with the pill and not being nauseated or throwing it up and the cost of it I get so many be careful..... make sense. things you don't think about throwing up a pill that cost 150.00 each.. in the last few days I have taken $3450. in one medication. The last few days the throat is really bad in some ways better in others. The chock y feeling is a little less but I think I might have a throat infection ( it feels like raw meat and everything hurts so bad to swallow). So Im in a sort and with no doctor I don't know what to do. Do I go see THE OLD DOCTOR and relent? Does anyone know if there is a nurse practitioner taking a on patients? or even another doctor that might take me on. I am looking after with my heart and my cancer but have no in case I"m just sick? don't know what to do? Please if anyone has advice i would appreciate it. I could go to emergency but would be sitting for 5 hours and i just don't have that in me right now...
So back t the story. Yesterday morning I though I would take my pill with a glass of chocolate milk ad it it creamy feels like a little something going down and it tastes good. so with out thinking i drink the whole glass of milk and throw the pill in for a good mix. Swallow , sit and then start the weird feeling that wasn't the think to do. I could get the chocolate milk down it was to thick for my throat and was just sitting there with my miracle pill floating on top....I stood up started jiggling my chest frost left then right , then the old top to bottom jiggle..concentrate.. what else. breathe in breathe out think happy thoughts.. walk up and down the stairs.....what do I do..get a strainer, find the pill?? All thoughts running through my head in a matter of split second cause you know when your going to through up and really there is much time planning and finessing...So the inevitable feeling hits I run to the toilet still not to sure how to catch the pill....So first I think maybe if I can just throw up a little bit that , that might give me that little relief to get it down, but on no I couldn't hold back.. I think I looked a lot like a bear fishing in the river trying to catch a large juicy salmon but instead of me pawing in the clear river I as in the toilet basin.. and I got it. ( proud for the moment but what the hell am I going do with it now) the pink capsule laying in my hand staring at me... as I am looking thinking deciding the capsule l laying in my hand broke open splaying pink granules flowing though my fingers into the toilet and I said that it the answer... I am worth another $150. I got a new one. I couldn't do it....but there was that 30 second rule. I'm sure it is a lot less when coming for a CLEAN toilet, like maybe 3 sec one but I didn't try it out thank fully....

Body is changing and getting use to these new pills now. Lots of weird and little things going on but nothing to horrible. Just trying to get the sleeping thing worked out. I am in bed more which I don't like but I'm so exhausted and it seems like I can rest more, but i hate just laying in the same room day after day. I am trying to go and do little outings everyday, but i tire quickly, so if your gong for a Mani or pedi or just a quick Walmart or something please feel free to invite me or I can meet you. Life is becoming a little boring and lonely again for me.. Trying to fit in again....until next run of body or meds change me again....

So I am going to pop out this morning for a visit with some ladies, then go find a funeral home to look at and make some decisions and then I can some company popping in around 6 and most likely an early night...

I hope you guys have a great day today and remember how much I love you all. You guys are really great support to me...Thank yo Team awesome........

So went to the doctors and had a great appointment. My heart is doing great, lots less fluid just sort of pockets around it that need to dissipate and he feels they will. The heart is beating very well. I asked if I could start trying to exercise a bit, slow walking up the street etc.. he said yes it was OK, so that made me feel much better. This ticker of mine has given me lots of worry so now i feel like I can breath a little bit with a lot less worry.

I got a call from the government this afternoon and I was approved for my CPP disability pension. The woman was very nice and accommodating the problem is, that I was approved for a quick release pension and I was approved. I am terminal and even the government recognizes it. I get my first cheque Dec 27th. It really through me for a spin, I just am not ready for this. I know I have my miracle pill but it is not a cure it is an extension and I think I have so much hope on it that I have forgotten the inevitable. So I am going to the funeral home on Wednesday with a friend to make the ugly arrangements so they are done ( I am not quitting just house cleaning) whether its for now or 6 years or 60 it will be done and off my list and maybe a little bit more peace for me. Thank yoYvonne Weatherell for coming and listening it meant a great deal to me and the other person I cant a say thank you to....You know who you are right?
So my Brad Woody Stone had a "Twanda " moment this afternoon. He never thought he would or had ever heard about it but he had one... So he works at the Pickering Town center and you can imagine parking can be a little crazy there. So he is waiting for a guy to leave a parking spot and he is sitting there with his signal on and in the backing up position, they guy leaves and Brad starts to back up when this guy comes driving right into the the spot he was backing up into , but because he was driving in front work he could maneuver quickly and had Brad sort of t-boned in the spot.. Brad looked at the guy who knew dam well that Brad had rights to it so, Brad just parked and shut the car off sticking out at an angle. The guy was honking and flashing lights and swearing and finger gestures etc for 5 minutes. Brad sat there with his iPhone just checking his messages.. he said he had his hand on the steering wheel white knuckled and the his face in the TWANDA expression. So eventually the guy's wife was so embarrassed over the scene she made him leave. Brad figures hes driving a 98 Saturn worth 500.00 and this guy like an 85000 BMW, he had nothing to loss....lol I guess even my husband can learn something from my blog....lol Gee-sh I mean he looks like Santa really dude........

So that's the poop today the good, the bad and the ugly, just like life.....

Good Morning Team Awesome..


I thought I would start off this morning by giving you a definition....

What is a miracle???

A miracle is an event not ascribable to human power or the laws of nature and consequently attributed to a supernatural, especially divine, agency.[1] Such an event may be attributed to a miracle worker, saint, or religious leader. A miracle is sometimes thought of as a perceptible interruption of the laws of nature. Others suggest that God may work with the laws of nature to perform what are considered miracles.[2] Theologians say that, with divine providence, God regularly works through created nature yet is free to work without, above, or against it as well.[3]
The word "miracle" is often used to characterize any beneficial event that is statistically unlikely but not contrary to the laws of nature, such as surviving a natural disaster, or simply a "wonderful" occurrence, regardless of likelihood, such as a birth. Other miracles might be: survival of an illness diagnosed as terminal, escaping a life-threatening situation or 'beating the odds'. Some coincidences may be seen as miracles.[4]

So, I will let you judge and decide for yourself.

Friday I went to see my Oncologist to see how these drugs are working and again I shared that I though he was disappointed, and that he was hoping to better results...I have a very large lymph node (tumour) on the right side of my neck, and you can physically see it it sticks out like a small apple on the front of my neck one that bothers me more because of the size and general look and feel of my face and neck with all the swelling and lumps and bumps.... Yesterday I was up not feeling the happiest because for the fear of my miracle drug not working on me( how can anything that cost 9000.00 a month not work) ?

Well here you go (old TV Evangelist thats what I hear)""Ok people step up a little closer place your 5 dollar bill against the TV set and pray with me.... Hallelujah, praise God and touch me..... touch me and make me whole".....

Boom my large LYMPH tumour is gone!!!! That's right as of yesterday morning I had a very large tumor on the right side of my neck anyone who has seen me knows it was there AND HOW MUCH IT BOTHERED ME.. well of last night my son was sitting down staring at me and said something is different on your neck mom. I panicked right away thinking no more please and then reach up to touch it and it is gone... completely gone....the lump and most of the swelling where it was, its all gone...
So I ask is it a miracle. My doctor said I might just need a few more days is this it? Is the drug the miracle? is the losing of the tumour a miracle? is me still being here a miracle ?which on is it cause I'm calling it a freaking miracle!!!! Also, my wonderful team awesome I have been in living in my bed since yesterday. I think the cry of your hearts against the lack of sleep I have been getting has been heard and answered. I have sleep so much and I am back on the full steroids, no shaking, no vibrating, no buzzing, I feel tired and I am staying in bed sleeping, and resting....so I do believe round 2 in the miracle department, as you know what I have been struggling through.
You guys are prayer warriors and I can think of no better team to have on this journey with me Hope Stones Team Awesome.. I couldn't' be walking this walk with out you. You raise me up.. ( I hear a song)
Ya Song time to share with...You raise me up my balcony people you raise me up to more than I can be......Thank you so much...


I feel so blessed again , not by the lump gone but by the presence you, you wonderful people. The caring, the concern, the love and friendship.....you are all so wonderful and I feel so humbled having you on my team...I feel unworthy and yet I know God has made me worthy and has made me apart of you on this journey.. thank you, thank you, thank you.
I will continue to pray that this drug can give me relief on the left side of my throat. That is the side that is making it hard to eat swallow and sometimes breathe...Gee-sh I don't even give you guys off for good behavior do I, nope right on to the next thing.....lol
I know my team Awesome and if anybody can you can!!!!!They have the best captain ever!!!! God and he never gets tired of showing off his MIRACLES.....
SO BY HAND VOTES WHO SAYS MIRACLE YA NO NAY!!!!!!!

Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up [Official Music Video]

youtu.be

© 2006 WMG "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban, from Closer. Connect with Josh: Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/joshgroban Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jos...

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