Good Morning team awesome...

It is so had to believe it is December 4/13. 
I'm not sure where the time has gone and Christmas is so quickly approaching. I am usually all good and done shopping with almost everything wrapped up. So all of a sudden I feel very panicky about getting Christmas done. We have tried to simplify gift giving this year as there is so many of us, we picked names and have a budget. We have done this the last 2 years ans it works well for all the kids...I don't like it cause I see so many things that people would like and I want to go and get them for them so I have found a loop hole...Don't tell the kids on me. we are suppose to spend 60. on the gift for someone then we do a 30. Chinese gift and then everybody buy 25-3= stocking suffers as i use to take care of them all but we have 18 stocking and that added up big time so. What i do is if I see something that some one would really love it then i buy it and put it in their stocking....lol My wonderful friend Nancy Delcellier is coming Saturday and our mission Christmas 2013. take it of the list....So be careful you might be seeing that crazy scooter cart with a beaver tail racing through the mall with a steely look of determination and focus....stay back I take no prisoners....

So, this is a little story that you might think gross but very true in the life of Hope. I giggle when i think of it so if I giggle you get to share in it... it is morning so you choose to skip over it....So heads up.

So one of the things with my miracle drug is that I am suppose to take it very carefully and on time. The doctor lectured me extensively on begin careful with the pill and not being nauseated or throwing it up and the cost of it I get so many be careful..... make sense. things you don't think about throwing up a pill that cost 150.00 each.. in the last few days I have taken $3450. in one medication. The last few days the throat is really bad in some ways better in others. The chock y feeling is a little less but I think I might have a throat infection ( it feels like raw meat and everything hurts so bad to swallow). So Im in a sort and with no doctor I don't know what to do. Do I go see THE OLD DOCTOR and relent? Does anyone know if there is a nurse practitioner taking a on patients? or even another doctor that might take me on. I am looking after with my heart and my cancer but have no in case I"m just sick? don't know what to do? Please if anyone has advice i would appreciate it. I could go to emergency but would be sitting for 5 hours and i just don't have that in me right now...
So back t the story. Yesterday morning I though I would take my pill with a glass of chocolate milk ad it it creamy feels like a little something going down and it tastes good. so with out thinking i drink the whole glass of milk and throw the pill in for a good mix. Swallow , sit and then start the weird feeling that wasn't the think to do. I could get the chocolate milk down it was to thick for my throat and was just sitting there with my miracle pill floating on top....I stood up started jiggling my chest frost left then right , then the old top to bottom jiggle..concentrate.. what else. breathe in breathe out think happy thoughts.. walk up and down the stairs.....what do I do..get a strainer, find the pill?? All thoughts running through my head in a matter of split second cause you know when your going to through up and really there is much time planning and finessing...So the inevitable feeling hits I run to the toilet still not to sure how to catch the pill....So first I think maybe if I can just throw up a little bit that , that might give me that little relief to get it down, but on no I couldn't hold back.. I think I looked a lot like a bear fishing in the river trying to catch a large juicy salmon but instead of me pawing in the clear river I as in the toilet basin.. and I got it. ( proud for the moment but what the hell am I going do with it now) the pink capsule laying in my hand staring at me... as I am looking thinking deciding the capsule l laying in my hand broke open splaying pink granules flowing though my fingers into the toilet and I said that it the answer... I am worth another $150. I got a new one. I couldn't do it....but there was that 30 second rule. I'm sure it is a lot less when coming for a CLEAN toilet, like maybe 3 sec one but I didn't try it out thank fully....

Body is changing and getting use to these new pills now. Lots of weird and little things going on but nothing to horrible. Just trying to get the sleeping thing worked out. I am in bed more which I don't like but I'm so exhausted and it seems like I can rest more, but i hate just laying in the same room day after day. I am trying to go and do little outings everyday, but i tire quickly, so if your gong for a Mani or pedi or just a quick Walmart or something please feel free to invite me or I can meet you. Life is becoming a little boring and lonely again for me.. Trying to fit in again....until next run of body or meds change me again....

So I am going to pop out this morning for a visit with some ladies, then go find a funeral home to look at and make some decisions and then I can some company popping in around 6 and most likely an early night...

I hope you guys have a great day today and remember how much I love you all. You guys are really great support to me...Thank yo Team awesome........