My strength comes form God a very loving God who promises he will never give me more than I can handle and I believe that ( although some time you think what the heck else do I need to be this strong for).
I spoke to a woman yesterday who lost her small son to cancer just last year and she was telling how she is so amazed by my strength, and what gets me through every day. I just simply said faith, and hope, and my Loving God and I didn't mean flippantly I just meant it, without a thought, a word, a second chance.. I have peace, I know that God loves me and he will get me through what ever I need at the time. She was stunned that I could confess that so easily ( frankly so was I) This is not my department (bravery and boldness of speech) I'm in the chicken shit anonymous club here but I think I am am developing a freedom in speech ( that could be really scary if think I might be holding back...LOL) So please pray for TERSEA she is a sweetie and needs some peace.
So, today I made an appointment with the psychologist my doctor wanted me to see for my Depression. I go at 9 and see her, I'm really not sure where that will go , if I just talk to her and share, if I make an appointment and see my ex doctor or what. I felt the need to do it and I am. Remember one foot in front of the other walk the steps and see where they lead...We will see where it goes from there!!
Next I drive over to The AGM for Three Oaks foundation and present a cheque for just over $7000, I was able to raise through the calendar sales for the second stage housing project. I am excite to be able to complete this. This project healed me is so many ways it's not funny and I have peace in my life that I had been looking for for many years. I had done so much, come so far, but still hadn't forgiven me for my past mistakes. Well, between this closure of the project, this new journey I am on, and some wise advise from my baby sister Kyla Werrett, I do believe I have forgiven me...What a wonderful thing to say. I am free of all my self judgement and condemnation, free of those stupid little voices saying I'm never good enough or I haven't done enough...BITE ME, Satan, I'm free from your lies, free, You have no more power over this girl ( at least today or this area ) I have been made stronger and a lot less waste of energy will go in that direction. ( Picking myself off the the ground,(whistle) shaking the dust of me,(whistle) and jumping for joy, singing a verse I can`t remember something like(free at last it is finished. Life has triumphed over death, Jesus reigns, Bless the nam/e of him, Thank you Father I'm free at last.. ) Do I get an amen from the back of the room!!!! any WHERE!!!!!. I feel like I need a whole
down south Baptist church behind me saying AMEN BROTHERS, some good ole hand clapping revival music.. I can hear it now.....lol
AMEN!!!!!
So some news yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from my Oncologist Dr Jeff Rothstien, boy I have been blessed to have this man. He called and left a message on my phone, then said I could call today and talk to him at the hospital or he gave me his cell number as he was off and I could talk today, so you know what I did called his cell number immediately.No choice there,he has found the mutated gene and it is good! his exact words... Then he said that there was a few complications now that we have to deal with. ( I am going to be brief here as I am not sure how to properly give info correctly as it is new and complicated and until I know exactly what I am facing or talking about , then we will fight the good fight together my friends cause I will need you to help me fight this one...) So there is a drug not Chemo but a target drug that works amazing on this type of mutation, good news..... bad news ( this is were it gets fuzzy ) I have to be approved by the Ontario government to have it. It is very very very expensive and they may not let me have it. They might only let me have chemo first..and see if that will help me ( money money money) What the hell does the government have to do with Cancer treatment.. Trying to be very cool and logical here reigning in my imaginary sword. There is a pill that will work on my mutated tumour and it is helping unbelievably in other patients but I might not be allowed it. Can some one help me out here. My TWANDA face is tightening. Again, I don't have all the facts and figure I will in the next day, but dam if I have to put one hell of a fundraising party(if you know me you know I love to through a party)but by dam I`m getting me some drugs....This is where I will need your help, whether, fund raising party thrown or some government ass kicking, some news station interviews or letter writing inquiries, I don't what but you guys get your game faces on.. GO team AWESOME!!!!!!! No one is going to hold a little pill in front of my face and judge if I am worthy enough to have a chance or get drug funding or anything else. So I will say no more , let this mull around in your already heated brains and we will figure this out together in the next few days as the Dr is trying to work with other levels of people over this treatment...
I also contacted a lawyer regarding the suing of my doctor, ( mixed emotions and not sure where this will lead but I thought between my sis and hubby it might be a good way to look into things and keep them outta trouble although if this drug this comes about I will fear all who stands in their way...lol. )
So there is the long and short of my day no inspiration, just the facts. Continue to keep me in prayer and I will continue to heal....I love you guys so so much your encouragement is so amazing, make sure you pass that around today to others....Love YA!
and don't forget to free yourself when you make a mistake we are human love yourselves..you are amazing people!
Oh yes shout out to my amazing friend Andrea Davis Trenton ON, she went to the store with a neighbour and (Lorannine) and decorated my store window. It is beautiful.. Thank you so very much . It put a bright spot in my day!
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