November 8

Good Morning my wonderful friends and Loved ones...

I have been so blessed again over the last few days although I know it seemed other wise with my last few posts.., Things I need to ride and figure out. 
Thank you for all the comments regarding my doctor they helped me put things in perspective. Some very practical information that I will think and pray over. The biggest thing for me is what will I get from facing him. Satisfaction, gloating to hurt him, none of those are my characteristics so I cant seem to think that would make me feel better. One of my biggest personally whatever Traits (needs) is i I want to be heard and I want you to see my heart and understand the pain, something I`m not sure he is able to give me. I do need to forgive him at sometime but that is not now. I will work through that one slowly..
An interesting thing did happen in the rise of all of this stuff yesterday, Sean Kelly from MIX 97 Quinte's Best Variety, wants to interview me and tell my story, maybe this is the outlet I can use and not have to put me or my heart at risk, I can tell my story just by giving facts. That happens this morning or Monday Morning depending on scheduling of my appointments, so maybe God will take this out of my hands for now and give me more time of find someone else to take up this charge and allow me to save my time and energy on something more important...ME and my fight!

Today is going to be a really big day for me and I am nervous and excited...I have 4 appointments in Oshawa today. I start off getting more tests, blood work, scans etc to see if I am able to start Chemo, then I met with Dr Rothstein my beautiful, calm, oncologist specializing in Chemotherapy. I am hoping that they have found the mutated gene and will be able to offer me targeted chemo as oppose to broadband. The difference is the targeted will kill only the needed cells while the broadband kills everything..If they do not have the pathology yet than we will start with the broadband and hopefully in a few weeks be able to start the targeted. Targeted is taken in a pill from broadband is 4 hour Intravenous therapy. So after meeting with him I go see my other oncologist Dr. Iqbal another young man who is very gentle and compassionate. I had a bone scan on Wednesday so hopefully we will learn if there is anymore cancer in my body and if I am fit enough to go onto the next level...
Next stop day 10 last radiation appointment for now. I have been told there will be more but for now these ten little sessions have given me more time and that is worth all the pain tiredness and everything else that i am going through....
So do I do it ....do I.... HOPE 10------Cancer 0 dodododo (video game sound for those who are wondering if the drugs are affecting me,,,lol) game over round 1 winner!!!! Hope kicks some Cancer ASS this round...

My dad, Brad Barnes flew in from PEI on Wednesday and has come to stay with me here in Peterborough, then home with me this weekend. It has been really nice to have him here, he offered himself up as a sacrifice for me to hug all the love and energy from him, take it all he said,,, Well, I took him up almost all the way, I did want to have him around all week and to get more hugs and love from him, so I just took what I needed and can go back for a regular fill up, beside if you have seen my dad he would have left a large pile of dust for me to clean up...lol (vampire reference again).
Then my mom came from Trenton and stayed the night also.. ( my mom and dad have been divorced 35 years or so and are still good friends) and anyone who knows my family is always amazed at all of my parents and step parents love and acceptance and was the healthy thing they could have ever done in getting along for me and my brother. (quick family tree so you can understand with all are breaks bends and twists....lol we are unique and everyone gets along and we have a great family)
1. Mom and dad were married and divorced
2. Mom married Jerry my step dad, who gave me my big sister Suzette Earhart
3. Dad married my step mom Jane. no kids
4 Dad and Jane got divorced
5 Jane dads second wife married Sam, my now step father and step mother I call them
6 Dad married Jan Barry Barnes and now she is my step mom, who gave me my baby sister Kyla Werrett.
7 I love each and everyone of them and am so blessed to have them all. This is my perfect family!
Any questions will be taken up later in the day after you can fully wrap your mind around it...lol The long and short of it is I have 6 amazing parents that have put all their past shit away and did what was best for the kids and didn't hold on to hate jealously rage or any of the petty shit most couples do..They put me and my brother first and we always were in an environment who loved nurtured and never said a mean word about any of my many dysfunctional family members. Why it was usual the procedure for 4 or 6 parents meeting at a restaurant to exchange us kids half way we never saw fighting anger, nothing but getting along. There is a great lesson here to be learned people, look after the kids first you be the adults and do what is right even if it is hard and not fair.. Grow up Love your kids through this shitty time in their lives it will make a huge difference down the road.

Any ways, so mom and dad were here and we played cards and made meals together and just sat and talked and laughed. I was so lucky to have the three people who love me more than anything sitting here under on roof ...How can not that amount of love heal!
I have been asked about my `bucket List` what say the majority ... Ya or Nay I will be processing that one today....
I mean really the only one thing I want on it is to LIVE! do I need to say more...

There might be a few updates throughout the day as I move from appointment to appointment stay tuned,,,,it could be a bumpy ride.....I hope not but that dam roller coaster ride that I`m on never takes the same tracks. At least I know I will have my Conductor with me and with him I can face all!!!
Love you all so much!