Tuesday Novemeber 12

Expiration date!

Good Morning to you, (singing sweetly) Good Morning to you,,, Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning to YOUoooooooo! Well can you tell I slept... YAHOO!!! big time 2 days down. Oh boy that feels good..... I use to wake up every morning singing that song to my kids much to their chagrin but they would eventually would come around with smiles and hugs to the crazy mom that would wake them up every morning to music and then once they were up I would through on the cd on`Rock`n down the block``and play old 50, 60 music loud...DO YOU LOVE ME...DO YOU LOVE ME...... and then we would start dancing.. ask anyone of my kids this was our morning routine.. and it was precious....and its another great memory...

I think a little of the stress is off me with my heart also. It`s scary not knowing if its going to beat again or not or if that pain is something I should worry about or why did it do that....If you missed yesterday, went to the Wonderful DR William Hughes of Peterborough the man I singling owe my life to right now....and he did another echo on my heart. The biggest thing is that it is beating strong`, stronger than it has and very regular. The fluid is down a little more not significant but I will take what I can get and be very thankful for it.. Thank you God and thanks for all the prayers...

With the good news of my heart though there was a mixed moment as the doctor told me it was working better, then I had to have it broken right away. I left the doctors office to take my dad to the train station and this is where my heart broke.......How do you say good bye, so long, see ya around... especially when Hey I just don't know. ( again you people out there screaming don't talk like that but come on its my reality whether today or 5 years from now... How do you say it, what do you say. Do you say it...)GOOD BYE.
I stood there holding on to him not wanting to let go, feeling his arms around me and his heart beat, his tears and knowing deep in my heart that there is no other place in the world then he would rather be than in my arms loving me with all his strength, begging me to take all the strength and energy from him, him willing me to live....and I held on and I cried, and I just said I will see you in heaven, I will be there waiting for you. He said he would not say good bye but so long... I guess I`ll just have to take his word for it..... and see him again....
How do you mix practicality, with faith, and hopefulness, and balance, acceptance with denial. I am dying... ( we are all if you want to go that way) I have an expiration date. So having this end date ( whether I cheat it or not) I do plan on cheating ( no throwing pop corn and spit balls at the screen Marisa Howard ), but sometimes things get out of my control and I have to be realistic also....
When Brad, my hubby and I first started living together he still worked in Hamilton and I lived here. He would go for 3 days work and then come home. He did this almost through our whole marriage up until 4 years ago when he retired. Those times were really great when he left but when he came back even sweeter. It always kept our marriage very fresh and alive. I think it was good balance, him having to leave (knowing he was driving the 401 through rain, sleet, snow storms 2*5 hour drive to take 6 hours, hail, and lots and lots of stupidity) this was hard. The thing I learned very early in our life like this was to make sure nothing was left unsaid when he drove away. There was never anger or bad feelings when he left I hugged him and kissed him like it was the last time I would ever see him again... and i did that for 10 years..and i felt that way every-time. I think it was very healthy for our relationship, but should we all not live that way everyday. Should we not say good bye like it is the last time, hug, kiss, make sure that last thing you said was uplifting and not cruel or hurtful. What if everyday you woke up with the thought of an expiration day, would you walk slower take in smells deeper, enjoy laughter and let those little things that drive you crazy fall off your back like rain.....How much lighter and brighter your day would be....Then the flip side of saying good bye is the sweetness of saying hello. Looking forward to the car pulling in, quickly fixing my hair and just about jumping on him with my arms wrapped so tightly around him to have one more hug......If we could only have one more.... anything.... How sweet..
I know this is going to sound bad.. But Thank you God for this expiration date thank you that you have woke me up to the simple blessing in this life thank you for all the balcony people in my life (those are the ones cheering for you), Thank you for opening my eyes God and I pray that I don't let a day go by with out realizing what a blessing you have given me... 

So here you go today's challenge.... Go out and love like you have an expiration date!!!!