Well second time around…
Good Morning Team awesome... I just lost my post after 2 hours; I hope this isn't going to be my day…lol
So it was really good and now I HAVE TO TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT THE HECK I SAID….
So, first of all I wanted to say thank you to all of you who allowed me to vent and actually shared and participated in my rants. This disease is so negative that sometime I think that negativity needs to be spoken. I really needed it and thank you. It really helped!
I need to apologize to my daughter Jaime Wilson as I hurt her feelings and that was not my intention and she feels that perhaps what I said might have hurt other people’s feelings so please let me try to explain and clarify anything that I said.. . I was sharing how I appreciated so much that fact that there was people who couldn't shave their head for me and how much I appreciated it, because I could relate easier to them then the ones doing it so easily. The other day I spoke about the fact that I couldn't understand their love and sacrifice that I cannot comprehend how they shaved their and did it so easily, and the commitment to trying to get their hair back to where it was. I was so totally blown away by the ease in which my family shaved their heads left, right and centrer, and I never asked one of them, I kept saying please you don’t have to. When I say at how easy they were doing it, I didn't mean they did it so easy, I meant that it is a 3 year commitment of bad hair days bad transitions in getting their hair back. I couldn't do it. I know I couldn't do it, i couldn't shave my head for a friend, sister or my mom. I couldn't do it. I was very humbled in that fact that they just did it. That’s how important my hair was to me, selfish, vain and shallow, that was a fact I had to face in the ever growing movement of people in my family just going bald.So please forgive me. I so love your commitment and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I hope this clarifies.
Good Morning Team awesome... I just lost my post after 2 hours; I hope this isn't going to be my day…lol
So it was really good and now I HAVE TO TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT THE HECK I SAID….
So, first of all I wanted to say thank you to all of you who allowed me to vent and actually shared and participated in my rants. This disease is so negative that sometime I think that negativity needs to be spoken. I really needed it and thank you. It really helped!
I need to apologize to my daughter Jaime Wilson as I hurt her feelings and that was not my intention and she feels that perhaps what I said might have hurt other people’s feelings so please let me try to explain and clarify anything that I said.. . I was sharing how I appreciated so much that fact that there was people who couldn't shave their head for me and how much I appreciated it, because I could relate easier to them then the ones doing it so easily. The other day I spoke about the fact that I couldn't understand their love and sacrifice that I cannot comprehend how they shaved their and did it so easily, and the commitment to trying to get their hair back to where it was. I was so totally blown away by the ease in which my family shaved their heads left, right and centrer, and I never asked one of them, I kept saying please you don’t have to. When I say at how easy they were doing it, I didn't mean they did it so easy, I meant that it is a 3 year commitment of bad hair days bad transitions in getting their hair back. I couldn't do it. I know I couldn't do it, i couldn't shave my head for a friend, sister or my mom. I couldn't do it. I was very humbled in that fact that they just did it. That’s how important my hair was to me, selfish, vain and shallow, that was a fact I had to face in the ever growing movement of people in my family just going bald.So please forgive me. I so love your commitment and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I hope this clarifies.
So day 4 recoup, Brad was in vacation mode and wanting to just get going so the best thing for me, stay out of his way and I did…lol
Mom came to visit me in the morning to say good bye, she was having a bad day which is OK, this is so hard on her and she tries to be so brave for me but I know she is just dying inside for me and yet trying to be the tough east coaster, not working..lol. So I went out on the deck to bring some vases and basil into the house, well as I was carrying the vases in the kitchen, when all of a sudden this weakness hit me and I lose all ability to stand, it is so weird because I feel not bad and then all of a sudden weakness hits so totally fast and swift and I am just done, I just fell and fell hard. I laid on the deck surrounded by purple broken glass all about me and my head in the compost bin, and I laid there and cried begging God to not make me a burden, I was in shock and I was scared and I laid there for a few minutes, once I felt I was ok I yelled for help and my mom came running, scaring the heck out of her. She just came and lay by my side and hugged me until my strength came back and I could get up. She helped me to bed and I stayed there till brad got home.
So when Brad finally arrived with all things in tow we were ready to get going, I was so excited, we had no plans, it was all based on how much I could tolerate. We had no plans to how long we would drive, if it would take 16 hours or 3 or 4 days, it was all based on me. Brad and Rutger where there at a moment’s notice they just looked and anticipated all my needs before I even knew what I needed. So Brad made me a wonderful bed in the back of the jeep with memory foam bed and pillows etc., it was wonderful and comfy. So loading me in the back of the jeep with my Ruby dog, my Zazzy cat and my hero’s our little menagerie left.
We travelled along and I was very comfy. We ended doing our first stop somewhere near Cornwall area. I needed to stop for a pee, when I packed I never gave any thought to what I was going to do with my bald head. Brad had all my all my head scarves packed and not assessable to get at easily… I was scared and said what do I do Brad, he said be brave and just go it doesn’t matter…so Rutger helped me to the door, and there it was the looks, the neon flashing light over me…Here is a sick woman and I hated the feeling, it was like every woman I seen had long beautiful hair, People looked at me and most tried not to... I felt lucky to get to the bathroom quickly without a lot of woman and no line ups. I was able to scurry in. All of a sudden I heard like a rush of woman and a huge line formed outside the bathroom door. I sat there and then started to cry. I was so afraid, finally after a moment I gathered something I won’t say was courage but I just put my head down, rushed to wash my hands and get out as quickly as possible. I guess after that I said fuck it! I’ll never see these people again and why not let them feel sorry for me some days I deserve it. So the bald head wasn't an issue the rest of the trip.
So we ended up doing the drive straight thought and it worked well, Brad and Rutger taking turns driving and we arrived safe and sound. The guys crashed the next day hard but it was nice to be here.
Unfortunately when we arrived at our home for the next 7 weeks, we were very disappointed as it was not as what we were represented at all. So we are here till today and will see if the owner can make it right otherwise we are trying to find a home for our next 7 weeks, Brad starts his job this week and we just want to be settled. The location is stunning and it is peaceful but the building is about 40 years old well used extremely small and not what we are willing to live in. The scenery stunning and I am 25’ from the ocean but I can’t stay here if we can’t get a new cottage. Please pray that we can get this arranged I would love to be settled today.
So those are my updates. I just want to recoup and start my adventures with Rutger. So looking forward to Chef Michael’s tomorrow night and then the sky’s the limit, I have so much energy with the things I want to do, it is going to be hard to balance and look after myself so the battle begins. Hopefully I'm smart enough to get it right…probably not, as those of you who truly knows me,,,lol
So I’ll let you know if were homeless later…..
Mom came to visit me in the morning to say good bye, she was having a bad day which is OK, this is so hard on her and she tries to be so brave for me but I know she is just dying inside for me and yet trying to be the tough east coaster, not working..lol. So I went out on the deck to bring some vases and basil into the house, well as I was carrying the vases in the kitchen, when all of a sudden this weakness hit me and I lose all ability to stand, it is so weird because I feel not bad and then all of a sudden weakness hits so totally fast and swift and I am just done, I just fell and fell hard. I laid on the deck surrounded by purple broken glass all about me and my head in the compost bin, and I laid there and cried begging God to not make me a burden, I was in shock and I was scared and I laid there for a few minutes, once I felt I was ok I yelled for help and my mom came running, scaring the heck out of her. She just came and lay by my side and hugged me until my strength came back and I could get up. She helped me to bed and I stayed there till brad got home.
So when Brad finally arrived with all things in tow we were ready to get going, I was so excited, we had no plans, it was all based on how much I could tolerate. We had no plans to how long we would drive, if it would take 16 hours or 3 or 4 days, it was all based on me. Brad and Rutger where there at a moment’s notice they just looked and anticipated all my needs before I even knew what I needed. So Brad made me a wonderful bed in the back of the jeep with memory foam bed and pillows etc., it was wonderful and comfy. So loading me in the back of the jeep with my Ruby dog, my Zazzy cat and my hero’s our little menagerie left.
We travelled along and I was very comfy. We ended doing our first stop somewhere near Cornwall area. I needed to stop for a pee, when I packed I never gave any thought to what I was going to do with my bald head. Brad had all my all my head scarves packed and not assessable to get at easily… I was scared and said what do I do Brad, he said be brave and just go it doesn’t matter…so Rutger helped me to the door, and there it was the looks, the neon flashing light over me…Here is a sick woman and I hated the feeling, it was like every woman I seen had long beautiful hair, People looked at me and most tried not to... I felt lucky to get to the bathroom quickly without a lot of woman and no line ups. I was able to scurry in. All of a sudden I heard like a rush of woman and a huge line formed outside the bathroom door. I sat there and then started to cry. I was so afraid, finally after a moment I gathered something I won’t say was courage but I just put my head down, rushed to wash my hands and get out as quickly as possible. I guess after that I said fuck it! I’ll never see these people again and why not let them feel sorry for me some days I deserve it. So the bald head wasn't an issue the rest of the trip.
So we ended up doing the drive straight thought and it worked well, Brad and Rutger taking turns driving and we arrived safe and sound. The guys crashed the next day hard but it was nice to be here.
Unfortunately when we arrived at our home for the next 7 weeks, we were very disappointed as it was not as what we were represented at all. So we are here till today and will see if the owner can make it right otherwise we are trying to find a home for our next 7 weeks, Brad starts his job this week and we just want to be settled. The location is stunning and it is peaceful but the building is about 40 years old well used extremely small and not what we are willing to live in. The scenery stunning and I am 25’ from the ocean but I can’t stay here if we can’t get a new cottage. Please pray that we can get this arranged I would love to be settled today.
So those are my updates. I just want to recoup and start my adventures with Rutger. So looking forward to Chef Michael’s tomorrow night and then the sky’s the limit, I have so much energy with the things I want to do, it is going to be hard to balance and look after myself so the battle begins. Hopefully I'm smart enough to get it right…probably not, as those of you who truly knows me,,,lol
So I’ll let you know if were homeless later…..
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