Good Morning Team Awesome
Well day 10 recoup
It was a very interesting day for me. I am feeling very exhausted still, but there is an energy inside of me that I wish I could have on the outside, but it will come I know it. I'm just not a patient person as you all know too well.
I am starting to have problems eating again my face neck and throat is so swollen that eating is becoming an issue again, I can’t get solid food down again and it is so frustrating, I'm hungry but food is not starting to work, it started this morning. So I figure that maybe I will go buy a juicer today and do a juice fast for a few days hoping it will help maybe get some crap out of my body from all the drugs and treatment stuff and perhaps help me with some energy. If you have a couple good recipes for some high energy healthy good tasting juices I would greatly appreciate it. I am having issues with sleep again also I’m down to 1 or 2 hours a day again, which is really hard to feel rested when there just isn’t the rest. I know as I cut the steroids down it will get better and thankfully I was able to drop one steroid a day this week and I have no pain, just the blurred vison and dizziness etc... I did get a call today from my two doctors and two nurses checking up on me, they are booking tests for me and getting a plan together. I am a little nervous when they call and actually are there together wanting to check up on me. Trust me it’s nice but really it is scary. I actually walked down some stairs today down to the beach it took me a while but I did it. I have to enjoy the small things. I am trying to slowly make myself do a few things at a time.
This trip was a real a thought provoking decision for us wondering about safety for me being so far from my doctors, I have health insurance but with the cancer thing you never know what they will cover or not so it is risky but a 2 hour flight will get me to Oshawa if needed. With all the implications we decided it was worth the risk, so Brad and I decided that this would be good for me to rest and the final decision was brad getting a job here so we could afford to live here with no extra costs to us right now and this job allowed it to happened so we felt this was Gods leading and to this day I feel this is where we are supposed to be and I am so thankful.
Before I came I did a lot of thinking about some things I wanted to do before I go. How could I not think about my health, how can I not think about 50 brain tumor’s ,how could I not think of all of this, maybe I’m not going to get thought this one. I was scared and still am. I can fight and fight but my body has to help me out, and the doctors and the treatments etc. I have worked so hard over the last 21 years to make me a better person, I wanted to give back so badly and prove to everyone that I wasn’t a screw up as I was so screwed up as a teenager and I brought all these kids into the world and I wanted to make my kids good people and I didn’t want them raised in the environment that our life was leading to. So when I finally left a horrible life and start a new one I did it with a furry. Sometimes so focused that I have forgotten to live and enjoy what I was doing so focused so determined and so goal oriented that I could never possible do all that I wanted to. It was a very important for me to give back, I always felt like I have to give back that I owe so many people so many things... I’ve never given me props for anything I wanted to do, I’ve never done it big enough or good enough I have been so very hard on myself. I sometimes think I have given me cancer from all the self-induced stress I have put on me... 21 years of doing this, being my biggest critic trust me I know one could hurt me better than me…I can beat me better than anyone because I know my weaknesses. So with all this refection I decided I need to enjoy some life and get a lot easier on me. There always things I have wanted to do and I just don’t so it again hate to spend money always so afraid to be homeless with my kids so I save and hoard and stress everyday will I survive and of course I will I’ve or we have worked hard but now is the time to realize I can and deserve to enjoy some of the fruits of my labours. So with all this I decided to do a few things and you know what some of the things I want to do is becoming a reality. They are popping up and I am blown away is this God Blessing me? I wanted to see Chef Michael and look what happened, bigger than I could imagine. I have tickets to see Russell Peters in October; I’m so excited I just love his comedy. I was telling Brad that one thing I always wanted to do was go to Burton Cummings concert I always wanted to but I just wouldn’t spend the money, so Brad said when we get back home he will figure it out and we are going. So yesterday Brad Rutger and I did a down town tour on the harbour hippo and it was great, this year is the 150 concert and anniversary celebration for PEI, hence the job available for Brad.
So they have a very special environment for a bunch of free concerts down at the harbour, so after the harbour hippo ride I asked brad to check it out and see if there was anything we would like to do or see. So are you ready for this. Tonight Burton Cummings is doing a free concert…REALLY! Can you believe that? Not only am I going to see him finally, but Brad use to teach at the recording arts studio in Toronto, so as he was going to see how we could do this get me there and make sure I am comfort able. A guy looked at Brad and said hey I know you; you were my teacher in Toronto. So this just happens to be the boss of the sound crew and Brad talked with him and they have gotten a VIP pass and area for me to sit and be right there??? Can you freaking believe this…I can’t. You know what when God is good to me I’m always so scared what will he require of me what do I owe now. I know all unhealthy perception of my Father God... I am a work in progress but I am blown away by his goodness. How can anyone say this is a coincidence and not a gift from a very loving Father? I can’t, and I won’t, and I am going to soak in and enjoy the night with my wonderful hero’s by my side, so today I rest and get ready for one more Gift from my Loving god!
so one of my favourite songs I have too...lol
Well day 10 recoup
It was a very interesting day for me. I am feeling very exhausted still, but there is an energy inside of me that I wish I could have on the outside, but it will come I know it. I'm just not a patient person as you all know too well.
I am starting to have problems eating again my face neck and throat is so swollen that eating is becoming an issue again, I can’t get solid food down again and it is so frustrating, I'm hungry but food is not starting to work, it started this morning. So I figure that maybe I will go buy a juicer today and do a juice fast for a few days hoping it will help maybe get some crap out of my body from all the drugs and treatment stuff and perhaps help me with some energy. If you have a couple good recipes for some high energy healthy good tasting juices I would greatly appreciate it. I am having issues with sleep again also I’m down to 1 or 2 hours a day again, which is really hard to feel rested when there just isn’t the rest. I know as I cut the steroids down it will get better and thankfully I was able to drop one steroid a day this week and I have no pain, just the blurred vison and dizziness etc... I did get a call today from my two doctors and two nurses checking up on me, they are booking tests for me and getting a plan together. I am a little nervous when they call and actually are there together wanting to check up on me. Trust me it’s nice but really it is scary. I actually walked down some stairs today down to the beach it took me a while but I did it. I have to enjoy the small things. I am trying to slowly make myself do a few things at a time.
This trip was a real a thought provoking decision for us wondering about safety for me being so far from my doctors, I have health insurance but with the cancer thing you never know what they will cover or not so it is risky but a 2 hour flight will get me to Oshawa if needed. With all the implications we decided it was worth the risk, so Brad and I decided that this would be good for me to rest and the final decision was brad getting a job here so we could afford to live here with no extra costs to us right now and this job allowed it to happened so we felt this was Gods leading and to this day I feel this is where we are supposed to be and I am so thankful.
Before I came I did a lot of thinking about some things I wanted to do before I go. How could I not think about my health, how can I not think about 50 brain tumor’s ,how could I not think of all of this, maybe I’m not going to get thought this one. I was scared and still am. I can fight and fight but my body has to help me out, and the doctors and the treatments etc. I have worked so hard over the last 21 years to make me a better person, I wanted to give back so badly and prove to everyone that I wasn’t a screw up as I was so screwed up as a teenager and I brought all these kids into the world and I wanted to make my kids good people and I didn’t want them raised in the environment that our life was leading to. So when I finally left a horrible life and start a new one I did it with a furry. Sometimes so focused that I have forgotten to live and enjoy what I was doing so focused so determined and so goal oriented that I could never possible do all that I wanted to. It was a very important for me to give back, I always felt like I have to give back that I owe so many people so many things... I’ve never given me props for anything I wanted to do, I’ve never done it big enough or good enough I have been so very hard on myself. I sometimes think I have given me cancer from all the self-induced stress I have put on me... 21 years of doing this, being my biggest critic trust me I know one could hurt me better than me…I can beat me better than anyone because I know my weaknesses. So with all this refection I decided I need to enjoy some life and get a lot easier on me. There always things I have wanted to do and I just don’t so it again hate to spend money always so afraid to be homeless with my kids so I save and hoard and stress everyday will I survive and of course I will I’ve or we have worked hard but now is the time to realize I can and deserve to enjoy some of the fruits of my labours. So with all this I decided to do a few things and you know what some of the things I want to do is becoming a reality. They are popping up and I am blown away is this God Blessing me? I wanted to see Chef Michael and look what happened, bigger than I could imagine. I have tickets to see Russell Peters in October; I’m so excited I just love his comedy. I was telling Brad that one thing I always wanted to do was go to Burton Cummings concert I always wanted to but I just wouldn’t spend the money, so Brad said when we get back home he will figure it out and we are going. So yesterday Brad Rutger and I did a down town tour on the harbour hippo and it was great, this year is the 150 concert and anniversary celebration for PEI, hence the job available for Brad.
So they have a very special environment for a bunch of free concerts down at the harbour, so after the harbour hippo ride I asked brad to check it out and see if there was anything we would like to do or see. So are you ready for this. Tonight Burton Cummings is doing a free concert…REALLY! Can you believe that? Not only am I going to see him finally, but Brad use to teach at the recording arts studio in Toronto, so as he was going to see how we could do this get me there and make sure I am comfort able. A guy looked at Brad and said hey I know you; you were my teacher in Toronto. So this just happens to be the boss of the sound crew and Brad talked with him and they have gotten a VIP pass and area for me to sit and be right there??? Can you freaking believe this…I can’t. You know what when God is good to me I’m always so scared what will he require of me what do I owe now. I know all unhealthy perception of my Father God... I am a work in progress but I am blown away by his goodness. How can anyone say this is a coincidence and not a gift from a very loving Father? I can’t, and I won’t, and I am going to soak in and enjoy the night with my wonderful hero’s by my side, so today I rest and get ready for one more Gift from my Loving god!
so one of my favourite songs I have too...lol
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