Good Morning team awesome or evening or what ever time of the day it is…
My body is so confused I haven’t a clue what the real time is anymore...I just go through the motions I sleep when I want to, or can, I eat when my body lets me, I exist the best I can right now.
I just wanted to recap this past week, it has been a difficult week for me, tears, fears, radiation, headaches, blurry vision, nausea, throwing up, and the beginning of hair loss etc….but as I always say there always seems to be blessings in all the happens some times you just need to look a little harder or not even look at all and just experience. I want to thank so many of you that have showed your support for me by shaving your heads, ( you know the way you guys pray I wouldn't be surprised if God lets me keep my hair...then you guys are going to be pissed with me...not my fault you pray to well....lol) the amazing video my daughter and grandchildren did for me, and even friends offering to photo shop off their hair as solidarity and good thoughts for me, thank you... Even the beautiful rides in the convertible to Ottawa and back this week end with my hubby, and seeing my wonderful son Josh and good friends John and Nancy.
Besides those things I have experienced two blessings this week that most people wouldn't consider a blessing or even note worthy perhaps just a basic function that we take for granted… When you have this disease there is nothing you can take for granted…Every basic function that you as a normal healthy person has is a blessing even more so when they don’t work…..I would like to talk briefly on two of these blessings and functions that are rarely spoke about, and perhaps in polite conversation considered even down right rude but you know I have nothing off the table so you get it all, the good bad and ugly…My verbal diarrhea if you will pardon the pun or is this the segue….lol
The 2 things I wish to talk about is #1 and #2, yes that’s right…NUMBER 1 and NUMBER 2..
I think the first two numbers we quickly learn as a child take on a whole new understanding, code, and language. In the simple expression of mom I need to go number 2 you get it in a moments notice and take all necessary procedures…I don’t know about any of you but some of my earliest memories were at school with these great powerful numbers. I was instructed back in grade one, if we needed to leave the room we were to place our hand up in the air and then quickly decide if it was a Number 1 or 2... thinking about it why would they care either way there would be a problem if it wasn't taken care of, or maybe it was to see we were nutritionally healthy and they secretly recorded all number 2’s…I’m not sure, sometimes I lied just to trick them ...lol but these are the things my drug addled mind thinks about in the middle of the night….Yet I digress….
I have shared with you before some of the horrible side effects that my cancer pills have on me. The first one is all the fluid retention my body goes through which of course is not good for my poor heart...as if you don’t take enough pills for the cancer, then there are meds to counteract or help other side effects, which then make me take more meds for those side effects it just becomes a huge mass of which pill now and do I need that with that etc.. Because of the water retention they put me on lasix which is a diuretic to help your body release excess fluid, then doubled the dosage and then doubled it again and I can go no higher so I| am where I am for now. Because of the lasix it’s hard on the kidneys and electrolytes etc so now I need to potassium.
If you were a pregnant woman in some hot humid days you know what extra fluid feels like, your feet and hands swell to the point where they hurt to use them or stand on them, it’s uncomfortable and makes you grumpy or at least me….well back to the blessing. This week because of the stopping of my cancer pill, I was blessed within about 36 hours to the most exhilarating amount of peeing a person could do in about 5 hours; every pee was like that first morning pee where you just sit (or stand for you guys) and just feel the relief flooding through your body…. Oh, my, what a sweet sweet feeling which I just don’t seem to have anymore, every dribble is an effort for me…so I am on pills to make me pee…
Well, then there is the other side effects I have dealt with for 8 long, long and yet again long months.. I have terrible tummy problems and yes I'm sure you can guess its number two…not lack of it but copious amounts of number 2 in the very liquid stage… for 8 months I have had severe diarrhea and tummy pains, pains like glass cutting through my digestive system and for me 5-10 times a day easily. It is horrible on so many levels, never knowing when its going to hit, how severe, having to be aware of your surroundings constantly, afraid to leave the house, cough, sneeze, or my other past time throwing up…Now you would think a woman with severe runs and throwing up would be about 98 lbs by now but oh no…. my body thinks hell we better hang on to everything we got and here I am over weight hungry and trotting literally all the time.. Another cruel joke this disease is playing with me… so I take pills to help me pee and then I take pills to help me NOT poop…yes its quiet the ring a around the rosy for me…Well back to the blessing, stopping my pill for the treatments has aloud me to remember what it is like to take a very normal poop and boy ooh boy, I never thought pooping could be so sweet. I mean I reveled in it, if I could have I would have sang an operatic aurea (not sure if this is the right phrase someone musical can school me on it) in Italian ...It was so exhilarating…I’m sorry if this is a little much in the morning but trust me I have to take and enjoy all the little things that I have taken for granted and pooping normal is one of them….
We have all heard the joke about all the organs in the body fighting over which one is the most powerful and the punch line is it is the bum….well take it from me it’s the truth……
So I’m not quiet sure how I get out of this one I’ve shared and trust me I feel so blessed by all of this and you may chuckle again that’s ok…I love to make you laugh but also share what my poor body goes through and how much we take for granted the simplest things in life…even if it’s number 1 and number 2…
This morning when you are sitting enjoying that morning constitutional remember some of the simplest things are the best pleasures in life don’t forget to be thankful for everything, marvel at how your body works and if you are one of the lucky ones count your blessings and be so very very thankful….
P.S.
On to day 5 of Radiation I won't be to cocky yet we will take it one moment at a time today....
Love you all.....God bless
My body is so confused I haven’t a clue what the real time is anymore...I just go through the motions I sleep when I want to, or can, I eat when my body lets me, I exist the best I can right now.
I just wanted to recap this past week, it has been a difficult week for me, tears, fears, radiation, headaches, blurry vision, nausea, throwing up, and the beginning of hair loss etc….but as I always say there always seems to be blessings in all the happens some times you just need to look a little harder or not even look at all and just experience. I want to thank so many of you that have showed your support for me by shaving your heads, ( you know the way you guys pray I wouldn't be surprised if God lets me keep my hair...then you guys are going to be pissed with me...not my fault you pray to well....lol) the amazing video my daughter and grandchildren did for me, and even friends offering to photo shop off their hair as solidarity and good thoughts for me, thank you... Even the beautiful rides in the convertible to Ottawa and back this week end with my hubby, and seeing my wonderful son Josh and good friends John and Nancy.
Besides those things I have experienced two blessings this week that most people wouldn't consider a blessing or even note worthy perhaps just a basic function that we take for granted… When you have this disease there is nothing you can take for granted…Every basic function that you as a normal healthy person has is a blessing even more so when they don’t work…..I would like to talk briefly on two of these blessings and functions that are rarely spoke about, and perhaps in polite conversation considered even down right rude but you know I have nothing off the table so you get it all, the good bad and ugly…My verbal diarrhea if you will pardon the pun or is this the segue….lol
The 2 things I wish to talk about is #1 and #2, yes that’s right…NUMBER 1 and NUMBER 2..
I think the first two numbers we quickly learn as a child take on a whole new understanding, code, and language. In the simple expression of mom I need to go number 2 you get it in a moments notice and take all necessary procedures…I don’t know about any of you but some of my earliest memories were at school with these great powerful numbers. I was instructed back in grade one, if we needed to leave the room we were to place our hand up in the air and then quickly decide if it was a Number 1 or 2... thinking about it why would they care either way there would be a problem if it wasn't taken care of, or maybe it was to see we were nutritionally healthy and they secretly recorded all number 2’s…I’m not sure, sometimes I lied just to trick them ...lol but these are the things my drug addled mind thinks about in the middle of the night….Yet I digress….
I have shared with you before some of the horrible side effects that my cancer pills have on me. The first one is all the fluid retention my body goes through which of course is not good for my poor heart...as if you don’t take enough pills for the cancer, then there are meds to counteract or help other side effects, which then make me take more meds for those side effects it just becomes a huge mass of which pill now and do I need that with that etc.. Because of the water retention they put me on lasix which is a diuretic to help your body release excess fluid, then doubled the dosage and then doubled it again and I can go no higher so I| am where I am for now. Because of the lasix it’s hard on the kidneys and electrolytes etc so now I need to potassium.
If you were a pregnant woman in some hot humid days you know what extra fluid feels like, your feet and hands swell to the point where they hurt to use them or stand on them, it’s uncomfortable and makes you grumpy or at least me….well back to the blessing. This week because of the stopping of my cancer pill, I was blessed within about 36 hours to the most exhilarating amount of peeing a person could do in about 5 hours; every pee was like that first morning pee where you just sit (or stand for you guys) and just feel the relief flooding through your body…. Oh, my, what a sweet sweet feeling which I just don’t seem to have anymore, every dribble is an effort for me…so I am on pills to make me pee…
Well, then there is the other side effects I have dealt with for 8 long, long and yet again long months.. I have terrible tummy problems and yes I'm sure you can guess its number two…not lack of it but copious amounts of number 2 in the very liquid stage… for 8 months I have had severe diarrhea and tummy pains, pains like glass cutting through my digestive system and for me 5-10 times a day easily. It is horrible on so many levels, never knowing when its going to hit, how severe, having to be aware of your surroundings constantly, afraid to leave the house, cough, sneeze, or my other past time throwing up…Now you would think a woman with severe runs and throwing up would be about 98 lbs by now but oh no…. my body thinks hell we better hang on to everything we got and here I am over weight hungry and trotting literally all the time.. Another cruel joke this disease is playing with me… so I take pills to help me pee and then I take pills to help me NOT poop…yes its quiet the ring a around the rosy for me…Well back to the blessing, stopping my pill for the treatments has aloud me to remember what it is like to take a very normal poop and boy ooh boy, I never thought pooping could be so sweet. I mean I reveled in it, if I could have I would have sang an operatic aurea (not sure if this is the right phrase someone musical can school me on it) in Italian ...It was so exhilarating…I’m sorry if this is a little much in the morning but trust me I have to take and enjoy all the little things that I have taken for granted and pooping normal is one of them….
We have all heard the joke about all the organs in the body fighting over which one is the most powerful and the punch line is it is the bum….well take it from me it’s the truth……
So I’m not quiet sure how I get out of this one I’ve shared and trust me I feel so blessed by all of this and you may chuckle again that’s ok…I love to make you laugh but also share what my poor body goes through and how much we take for granted the simplest things in life…even if it’s number 1 and number 2…
This morning when you are sitting enjoying that morning constitutional remember some of the simplest things are the best pleasures in life don’t forget to be thankful for everything, marvel at how your body works and if you are one of the lucky ones count your blessings and be so very very thankful….
P.S.
On to day 5 of Radiation I won't be to cocky yet we will take it one moment at a time today....
Love you all.....God bless
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