August 2
Team Awesome...
I feel pretty darn good this morning. I think I actually am feeling a little stronger; my blurred vision is getting better slowly. They did say this should be the roughest week and I should start peaking. Tomorrow I am going to try to get down to 1 steroid a day, which will be so nice. I have been trying to balance taking Morphine versus going up a steroid so it’s been a circus act, but the morphine has taken the edge off the pain so I think I have been doing the right thing. I was able to get the sugar in my blood down also, so that makes me feel better. Just because I’m terminal doesn’t mean I want card blanche to give excuses for ruining my body. I want to die as healthy as possible - if that makes sense...
So quiet today. Out to Carrs Oyster Bar to listen to a little band my hubby knows and a visit with the woman who wrote the book about her sons passing of lung cancer, as she works out there. Tonight, my Rutger goes home and my heart breaks that he is leaving. He's done such a wonderful job looking after me. He is an amazing cook and knows what I like. He always makes my 2 am snack and sits with me. I love this man so much we have had such a bonding moment, he is my son by choice and there is no better person I could have chosen. He has anticipated my every need, before I even knew it, his hand is where ever I needed , a touch, a hug, a kiss, a wipe of my tears, he has just build my heart up so much. The love and bond we have created is something that only God himself could give us. It breaks my heart that he has already lost his mom and for him to watch this breaks my heart even more, I will try all the harder to be the mom that is with him when he walks down the aisle, as he walks towards a beautiful wife. I want to here to hold his fist child... let’s just face it I want to be here... and I will do everything in heaven and earth to make this happen, again with prayer, love, and God’s might grace...so he fly’s out tonight and I await my good friend Nancy’s visit.
I am so happy with my henna head it has given me a real sense of power for some reason. I know it’s not really the look for me but once my face is down I think I can embrace it. I feel powerful and not so naked. The term "Henna Heals" is working for me...I went to the cancer center to show it off, but I have to remember where I am...PEI is a little slower here and really feels a little laid back and really it is..but thats the part I like...lol
Thank again guys for the prayers and all the wonderful comments on my henna head. I happy with it and that all the matters... (4 photos)
I feel pretty darn good this morning. I think I actually am feeling a little stronger; my blurred vision is getting better slowly. They did say this should be the roughest week and I should start peaking. Tomorrow I am going to try to get down to 1 steroid a day, which will be so nice. I have been trying to balance taking Morphine versus going up a steroid so it’s been a circus act, but the morphine has taken the edge off the pain so I think I have been doing the right thing. I was able to get the sugar in my blood down also, so that makes me feel better. Just because I’m terminal doesn’t mean I want card blanche to give excuses for ruining my body. I want to die as healthy as possible - if that makes sense...
So quiet today. Out to Carrs Oyster Bar to listen to a little band my hubby knows and a visit with the woman who wrote the book about her sons passing of lung cancer, as she works out there. Tonight, my Rutger goes home and my heart breaks that he is leaving. He's done such a wonderful job looking after me. He is an amazing cook and knows what I like. He always makes my 2 am snack and sits with me. I love this man so much we have had such a bonding moment, he is my son by choice and there is no better person I could have chosen. He has anticipated my every need, before I even knew it, his hand is where ever I needed , a touch, a hug, a kiss, a wipe of my tears, he has just build my heart up so much. The love and bond we have created is something that only God himself could give us. It breaks my heart that he has already lost his mom and for him to watch this breaks my heart even more, I will try all the harder to be the mom that is with him when he walks down the aisle, as he walks towards a beautiful wife. I want to here to hold his fist child... let’s just face it I want to be here... and I will do everything in heaven and earth to make this happen, again with prayer, love, and God’s might grace...so he fly’s out tonight and I await my good friend Nancy’s visit.
I am so happy with my henna head it has given me a real sense of power for some reason. I know it’s not really the look for me but once my face is down I think I can embrace it. I feel powerful and not so naked. The term "Henna Heals" is working for me...I went to the cancer center to show it off, but I have to remember where I am...PEI is a little slower here and really feels a little laid back and really it is..but thats the part I like...lol
Thank again guys for the prayers and all the wonderful comments on my henna head. I happy with it and that all the matters... (4 photos)
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